Change Your Mind
Change your mind. It’s a simple enough concept. Most people probably think of this as a momentary blip; you used to think that, now you think this. You made a decision, and you move forward from that. But what if “changing your mind” can be a much more substantive change, one that takes more effort, takes a longer time, and provides a more profound experience?
I spent decades being fearful about money issues. I did the best I could in managing what I had, but there was always tomorrow, and next week, and next year. Then one day, after many years, I realized that I had always found ways through my situations. This became, for me, a reason for trust. Trust in myself, trust in what would be provided to me, trust that I had never been put in a situation I couldn’t handle. I’m not saying it was easy; I’ve gone through the wringer with many situations, not just money-related, with pain and difficulty and doubt. But I always got through them. I always came out on the other side, still whole. Sadder and wiser, perhaps, but whole.
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A similar thing is true for me about relationships of all kinds. I’m the sort of person who is loyal to a fault, and I trust until you prove to me that you’re untrustworthy. I can’t count the number of times in my life that I have been betrayed, that major arguments have rained down on me out of the blue, the rug pulled out from under me. (I’m mixing my metaphors, but you get the idea.) Sometimes these were trauma-inducing experiences, and excruciatingly painful, even fearful. Those experiences changed me, and I searched until I found something in them that was of benefit to me.
All my life I had felt that I didn’t know what I was supposed to be doing with my life. I’d never had a clear notion of “what I want to be when I grow up”. I wracked my brain trying to figure that out. How did I get decades into my life without knowing that? Eventually I realized that I was here to change myself, to engage in “personal evolution”. I had always done that, but I had never thought of it as “my life’s purpose”. I realized that I’m also a catalyst for change around me. That meant that I didn’t have to “do” anything, in terms of a career, I simply had to be who I am. Being who I am (and that involved a LOT of discovery, I can assure you) would lead me to those situations where my presence and contributions, what I did and what I said, would be a catalyst for someone else. Give someone a new perspective, a new idea, a new purpose. I didn’t have to plan it. I didn’t have to think about how I would make that happen (which wouldn’t work anyway). I didn’t even have to see the result. It would happen of its own accord, in its own time, with or without my knowledge. Even the most painful experiences were likely meant to help me as well as any other person involved.
And that propelled a change in my ways of thinking about myself and the world. I was not as stressed, worrying about what I was “supposed” to do. I trusted that I would have whatever I needed, in the appropriate time and place. I was not as fearful of relationships, because I knew I would survive, and learn something in the process. (Note that I said “not AS fearful. Some fears never fully subside. But you learn to deal with that.) The depression I’d suffered with for most of my adult life was somewhat lifted, without all the stress and self-condemnation I’d been creating. I began to look for things I could appreciate, things that would lift my spirit and brighten my outlook. This became a regular practice. Anything in nature has that effect, even storms and cold days and cloudy skies. Even in the extreme heat of southern Arizona (and I don’t do well in extreme heat), I can find something to appreciate. I can be grateful for all of it. One of my personal favorites is dogs. Dogs, in my opinion, are joy incarnate. They are so intelligent — much more than we give them credit for — and so loving, and take such pleasure in simple things like play. Thinking of dogs always raises my spirit. Each person can find their own version of that.
This article has not gone where I thought it would. I thought I would be providing a blueprint for how to “change your mind” in ways that would provide a significant benefit. Instead, I have told a part of my story, how I changed, and how life changed me. And perhaps that’s what was meant to be here.
I will say that in order to change your mind, your way of thinking about anything, you have to stay alert. Watch yourself, listen to your own thoughts, catch yourself when you start thinking in ways that lead you astray. Realign your thoughts to something that uplifts you. You will have to do this repeatedly, likely throughout your life, because the mind doesn’t like to change, and old habits die hard, as they say. But this practice can substantially change your experience of your entire life. And it will become a new habit for you. Eventually you’ll find yourself doing it automatically. And you will have experienced so much more joy, more pleasure, more contentment, than you would if you focused on the negatives you see. Maybe not the wealth you were wishing for; maybe not the “perfect” relationship you desired. Those are things that will come to you if you are meant to have them. You don’t have to fret about it. You can’t “make” something happen that isn’t meant to be. Learn to appreciate what you do have. That practice will literally change your mind.
