Void
When I wake up every morning
In the lonely and depressed back of my head
The bard will always scream at the top of his voice
What happens if everything comes crumbling down
These glimpses of my past catching up to me fills me with dread
This happiness and contentment I fought so hard for
My deepest struggles to learn to treat myself right
What if all of this gets dismantled in mere seconds
What emotions will the next day hold in store for me
This demon of a future unknown self I always fight
I know my mind will not be able to receive it with love
And it will not rationally be able to look ahead of it
The dreaded heartbreak of losing everything I dearly loved
And just like a bird going to the south
All my happiness in life flying away without looking back even a bit
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I know how low I can go and how deep I can fall
Its nothing but self sabotage and never ending pain
Its a lonely place to be in with all my insufficiencies and insecurities
When I truly believe I am permanently broken
And not worthy of being fixed by anyone ever again
My mind will run rampant like a child on a playground
No barriers, mental or physical, will exist at all
All the haunting pain I convince myself of
All the wild flaws I blame myself for
Is what will lead to me slowly dying by myself in the long haul
Its trivial and meaningless to you and me
To fear this chilling of a possibility
My head has never spoken the common tongue
It will still validate my insignificant inner voices
With an ever growing harrowing shade of admissibility
Nonetheless this fear is real in my head
Of falling back into the familiar dark depths of an endless ocean
Where there are no rays of light coming down
And it is too exhausting to put the tremendous effort
Of pulling myself up and setting myself back into motion
