The Goodbye I Never Got to Say to My Old Self
My baby is three months old.
Three months of tiny hands, sleepless nights, endless cuddles and a kind of love I never knew existed.
I love being a mum. I truly do.
But sometimes, quietly, I miss the woman I was before.
I miss my old self.
The ambitious woman who took on difficult jobs, chased her goals and enjoyed spending time alone without worrying about anyone else. The woman whose time belonged to her.
And sometimes I wonder – did I ever really say goodbye to her?
Everything changed so quickly. Pregnancy, becoming a mother, learning a new routine, learning to put someone else’s needs before my own. Somewhere along the way, I became a new version of myself without having the time to pause and acknowledge the old one.
A part of me now lives outside of me.
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I carry this little person in my heart and in almost every thought I have. And I wouldn’t change that for anything.
But loving my new life doesn’t mean I can’t miss my old one.
I can be grateful and still feel lost sometimes.
I can love being a mother and miss being just me.
Maybe this isn’t regret. Maybe it’s simply grieving a version of myself I didn’t realise I was leaving behind.
But perhaps I don’t need to say goodbye after all.
Maybe I can take her with me.
I can still be ambitious. I can still have dreams. I can still make time for myself. I can still be *me* – just a different version of me.
My baby is only three months old. I’m still learning how to be a mother, while slowly finding myself again.
So, to the woman I was before motherhood:
**Wait for me. I’m bringing you with me.**
