I don’t know what love is — because all this time, only question have occupied my mind.
Since long ago, I have always indifferent to what happened around me. What’s other do or talk about has never felt important in my eyes.
But that day felt different. For some reason, curiosity came and smiled at me: “What does falling in love feel like?” A naive and foolish question from teenage kid.
That question made me wonder every night: “I wonder who I’ll fall in love with someday?” As I imagined my classmate.
Until one day, I met Jane.
A girl from the next class whom I don’t know, in a game called “Growtopia”. We exchanged words through a text box and slowly grew closer as time passed. In the end, my curiosity was answered. A truly foolish way to fall in love.
My day became more pleasant than usual. There was now something I looked forward to every time I came home from school. Strangely, we never talked at school. We only spoke through the game, Blackberry Messenger (BBM), and WhatsApp.
Slowly, that joy turned into fear and worry. I began to wonder whether she felt the same way. Then one thought crossed my mind: graduation. It didn’t take long for me to realize that was where this story would end.
After graduating, we would attend different school. I believed distance and time would change everything, including these feelings. I thought, I was not ready for a relationship — whether dating or marriage.
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So I gave up, hoping everything would fade away on its own.
And as expected, time waits for no one.
Now, nearly a decade has passed since then. I’ve grown into a man I never imagined I would become. Even so, I still remember that day, and that’s when I realized I truly knew nothing about her.
I didn’t know her favorite food, her hobbies, or what kind of music she liked. Somehow, those questions never crossed my mind back then.
Little by little, I began forget many things. The topics we once talked about, the small things that once softened my heart, even the sound of her voice.
Strangely, a faint tremor still appears in my heart when I remember that day. I recognized it and wrote this story as a series of world I titled “The Story That Never Began.”
More than a decade has passed,
Countless seasons have come and gone,
Many steps and stories have slipped away,
Yet there is one story I never got to write,
A story that never began.Not because I ran out of ink,
Or ran out of time,
But because I already knew how it would end,
An ending easy to foresee.Back then, the world was so simple,
One message could mean everything,
And a single smile could delay the rain in my heart.
Now, I’ve learned to look at the sky,
Without waiting for anyone to look back.I do not hate you,
Nor do I miss you, as I once did.
What I miss is myself,
The self who believed in small things,
That feelings would never disappear,
And memories would never change their course.Time has taken many things from me,
Yet one thing still remains,
A small space in my heart,
That I do not wish to fill with anything,
For it is where I keep
Everything that once made me feel alive.And if one day I forget everything,
I hope the universe leaves me one thing:
A faint tremor that reminds me
That I once loved, even if only once.
And that is enough for a lifetime.
