Today
Today I reread our old messages.
It was a foolish act of emotional masochism, the kind we sometimes indulge in.
But the hardest part was realizing how happy they made me.
When I met you, I was in such a bad place. I had forgotten what it felt like to genuinely like someone, That cloud, It heals you instantly. All your past fades away, and you feel like a blank sheet of paper, And all you want is to write more.
Every time someone asked me how I was doing, I could only say I was fine, Because I couldn’t believe it.
I couldn’t believe things were going so well.
I thought my body would never again produce such a rush of hormones. It’s like taking a dose of MDMA. You walk down the street, it rains, you work, you cook, And suddenly everything becomes so entertaining. You get a message, “Shall we meet today?”
Of course we’ll meet today.
We meet, we look at each other, we talk, we say goodbye.
You sleep less, you get distracted, you arrive late, You don’t care. You meet again, And another message arrives — pointless, forced, who cares? You just want to keep in touch.
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Days pass like this, they don’t end, you never get bored. You go grocery shopping, you go to the gym, you have a beer, your head sings.
God, this is the best. Being born, studying, doing laundry — all just time you fill waiting for that moment.
The most incredible thing is when that person feels the same way about you.
When they seek you out, when they look at you the same way you look at them… It’s a dream. You want to be yourself, you don’t want to be anyone else in the world. You only want to be yourself.
Because it’s you experiencing this, it’s you they want to be with.
How could you want to be anyone else? You live in the present, you’re there, because that’s where it’s happening. I put on this shirt, I straighten my hair, I leave the house, I don’t like it, But what does it matter?
Your clothes will end up on the floor anyway, Your hair will be messy, your cheeks flushed.
You’ll talk, you’ll drink, you’ll ask each other about your day, you’ll make love.
And the sex will only get better. It will go from being nervous, shy, perhaps a bit clumsy… To becoming a game.
It will turn into a sport where you use your ingenuity and creativity, It’s like doing a sudoku puzzle while dancing.
But it’s not competitive, it’s just fun. You only want to see how far you can go, Where you’ll go today. Your skin sweats, you laugh, you go to the bathroom, kiss again.
It’s time to go. You have to return to life for a while, because then, you can come back and do it all over again.
