Chinese men don’t respect black women
In China, I felt unwanted. The dating culture there is completely different from the dating culture in the states. In America, when a guy likes you, he goes up to you,talks to you for a bit to see if you both catch a vibe, then he gets your number and goes from there. Chinese men are completely different. If they like you, they tell their friend to tell one of your friends that they like you. Then your friend tells you that a certain guy likes you, you all hang out in a group setting (like a dinner, night out, bowling, etc) to get to know each other, and after the “group date” he will come up to you and ask you for your information. It’s a lot of run around. In the case that the Chinese guy just wants you for sex, (which happens a bit because I am a black girl and they wanted a bit of a fetish), they will go up to you say hi, and ask you, “How much?” or say, “Let’s have sex!” like you are some sort of prostitute.
I remember when I first moved to Shanghai in 2015, my friends and I would go to the club a lot. We went to our favorite club, M2, because we always got a table with free drinks. One night I was dancing with my friend and I caught eyes with a cute Chinese guy. He felt my energy and came up to me, and said “hi!” The very next question he asked was “How much?” I was confused to what he was talking about so I replied with, “How much for what?” and he said “How much for sex?” That immediately got me infuriated. I forcefully shoved him away me from me and said “Fuck off!” He gave me a confused look and went on his way.
Another time I was walking on the street around 7PM to my apartment from a convenience store. A guy came up to me and said “Hi, Can I practice my English with you?” I was only a block away from my apartment and we were headed in the same direction, so I said sure. On our walk he starts off asking me where I’m from, which I reply with “America” and he says “ooh ooh very good. America very good.” The next question he asks me is if I will have sex with him. Mind you I just met this guy two minutes ago! I was offended but unlike the first guy I didn’t push him away. I wanted to understand why he felt so comfortable to ask me such a thing. I asked him “Why would you ask me that sort of question?” He then told me that he he watches many American movies and it seems like everyone there is so free with sex, so he assumed that all American people were free with sex. He thought the question wasn’t rude to ask, since I am American. I informed him that the question was extremely rude, and the next time he asks a stranger that sort of question, he would most likely be punched in the face.
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Many variations of situations happened like this between me and Chinese men when I lived in China. Chinese men rarely thought of me as a lady who needed to be attended to and deserved love and respect. They often times saw me as a sexual play thing. They saw me as a fetish. It didn’t matter how dressed up I was, or how elegant I looked. Because I am a black woman, they often times thought I was a prostitute. These men didn’t want to know my thoughts and experiences as a person, but they did want to know how I was in bed. Because Chinese women are generally very petite with small breasts and a small butt, Chinese people would often oogle at my curves. Even my 7 year old students would comment about the size of my butt and would try to touch it as a joke. Many of my black female friends would also comment on how they had similar experiences with some men going so far as to sexually assualt them on the street or in taxi cabs. One of my friends was walking down the street and a Chinese man reached his hand into her shirt to touch her breasts, while another one of my friends was attacked in a taxi by the driver.
In China, as a foreigner you have little rights, so if a Chinese person attacks you or hurts you in anyway, you often feel helpless because the law isn’t on your side in most cases. The police just tell you sorry and sweep it under the rug as if what happened to you didn’t actually happen. Which is unfortunately a sad reality for many people I have personally known.
So for the most part, dating Chinese men just wasn’t the move, but I’ll tell you about some positive experiences in another article.
