Untrusted
I used to sleep peacefully beside you, never questioning what you’d do.
Now every movement pulls me awake, Afraid of the choices you might make.
I notice the things I once let pass: a tilted screen, a glance too fast. A ping to your phone, the sudden silence when you're alone.
I watch your location, question where you go, wonder who you speak to when I don't know. I count the hours I'm left unread, and create thousands of endings inside my head.
In the bathroom, I listen for a sound, and wonder what happens when none can be found. When you rise in the darkness, so quiet and slow, I wonder if there’s something you don't want me to know.
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I see pictures, the bodies you admire, and wonder if I'll ever be enough for your desire. I fear what you crave when my eyes cannot see, and question if your loyalty belongs to me.
I try to explain in the simplest of ways, yet somehow my pain becomes the reasons were odds these days. You're angry at my reactions but don't seem to see the hurt your actions have planted inside of me.
When you’re with your friends, my message is left engraved on your phone. I stare at the screen, left with worry and regret. I wonder who you’re with, what you might do, and hate that these questions have followed me through.
I never used to question the man in my bed, or search for the truth in the things left unsaid; I never knew love could make rest feel so far, or turn every silence into a scar.
I awake at your breathing, your shifting, and your sighs. I'm exhausted from searching for truth in your eyes. You sleep beside me, while I silently fall, Afraid that one night I might lose it all.
Perhaps your dont see what this has made me- a girl who once trusted, now afraid of what she can't see. I don't want to watch you or question your every move. I just want the peace I once had when I trusted you
Because the saddest thing this fear has put me through is not just being afraid of losing you. It's lying beside the man I love most in this life and feeling like I must stay awake to protect what we call ours.
