The struggle of being the backup plan: Eldest daughter core
the backup that doesnât have a backup
Living in a world full of uncertainties while being the âbackupâ isnât for the weak. Why? We cannot afford to fail. One wrong decision will definitely ruin everything. And when I say, âeverythingâ, that means everything.
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Everyoneâs depending on you. Hindi rin puwedeng mapagod. Walang karapatan magpahinga kasi bawat minuto mahalaga. Panganay kasi ako eh⌠A second parent? No, we are the substitute. I wonder why nobody talks about the exhaustion of the eldest daughter, or does anyone notice it?
We are always tagged as the strong ones. The one who can figure out everything on their own. The pillar of the family. The independent ones. But sometimes, hyper-independence is just another word for being emotionally unsupported. Who takes care of the person taking care of everyone else?
Kung hindi si ate ang gagawa, sino ang gagalaw? Wala naman kasing backup si backup. Sino bang sasalo kay ate kapag siya naman ang napagod?
Sometimes I wonder what it feels like to do things that are actually for myself, and not just because everyone else needs me to â âyung walang ibang iniisip kundi sarili ko lang. But still, even just the thought of it makes me feel guilty kasi parang ang selfish ko naman.
Sino ba kasi nagpa-uso ng backup na iyan?
