The Art of Choosing Yourself
There was a time when I didn’t realise I was slowly losing myself while holding on to someone else.
I have always been the kind of person who gets attached easily when someone gives me constant attention, care, and affection. When someone makes me feel seen and important, I tend to give them a place in my life that sometimes becomes bigger than the place I give myself.
And that attachment can be dangerous.
Because slowly, without even noticing, I start compromising. I tolerate things I normally wouldn’t. I overthink their actions, wait for their messages, seek their attention, and sometimes lower my own self-respect just to keep the connection alive.
Then one day, I asked myself:
Is this person really worth losing myself over?
That question changed something in me.
I realised that I had been looking for attention from other people because I wasn’t giving enough attention to myself. I was waiting for someone else to make me feel valued when I could have been building that feeling within myself.
So, I decided to detach.
Not because I stopped caring about people. Not because I became cold. And not because I wanted to prove anything to anyone.
I simply needed to come back to myself.
I stepped away from social media. I stopped constantly checking what other people were doing, who was thinking about me, who was watching my stories, or who was giving me attention. I created distance from the noise that constantly made me compare my life with everyone else’s.
Instead, I started giving my time to things that actually made me feel alive.
I started reading more books.
I started writing.
I started going to the gym.
I became more conscious about what I eat.
I changed some of my habits.
I became more protective of my time, my energy, and my peace.
And slowly, something beautiful happened.
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I became occupied with my own life.
I no longer felt the same need to know whether someone was thinking about me. I stopped measuring my worth through someone’s attention. I stopped waiting for a notification to feel important.
Because I was finally giving myself the attention I had been desperately looking for from other people.
I learned that detachment isn’t always about leaving people behind. Sometimes, it’s about returning to yourself.
There is a certain kind of peace that comes when you stop chasing people, stop forcing connections, and stop asking yourself why someone doesn’t give you the same energy you give them.
You begin to understand that not everyone deserves unlimited access to you.
And more importantly, you begin to understand that your self-respect should never be the price you pay for someone’s presence.
I still care. I still get attached. I still have moments when I miss people.
But now, I know where to return when I feel lost.
I return to myself.
To my books.
To my writing.
To the gym.
To healthier choices.
To my goals.
To the quiet moments where I can hear my own thoughts again.
Maybe growing up isn’t about becoming someone who doesn’t need anyone.
Maybe it’s about becoming someone who doesn’t abandon themselves just because they need someone.
And these days, I’m not looking for someone to give me enough attention to make me feel whole.
I’m learning to give myself enough love, time, and attention that I no longer feel incomplete without it.
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