The Daughters The First Lamb
The story that won’t shock anyone just because it’s already expected. My life has always been about others. Either’s my family, my mom, my sister, my friends, my brothers, my cousin and everyone else. My thoughts will always about forgiving other instead of trying to be myself. I might always looking cool or calm or angry. That thing would never ever describe who i am. The more i realize what i should aware the more i want to just shoot it off. Sometimes escaping feels like the only way. The moon above feels more real than my own home. I ran until i can’t even catch my breath but instead i still not going anywhere. I could say stuck but somehow i felt like i’m getting somewhere.
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As a daughter in the asian family being useful are the most need. I said useful at home not really at school or at some competition. The biggest achievement as a daughter are being a wife but i know not everyone follow that anymore but me. My family expect me to be married and have kids not just kid. But do i have to follow i could say no by the way. The Challenge to be a good wife are being at home right. I’m not sure that’s what i want then. Can i have a choice? you should have a choice. My family aren’t perfect but who has a perfect family anyway.
The more i overthink it the more fear i receive. I don’t have a knight in shinning armor called dad. Or maybe i have but he still just there stay silent. As a daughter having a good guidance will lead you to something but having none leaving you clueless and stuck i could say. My home was nowhere to be found at least for my heart. Except god no one really could save me from my own thought. My mom was just another people to be saved by me. Somehow i feel this just a phase no sorry i mean i wish all of this just a phase i expected it. Turns out i should just accept this is my lifeline. Do i have to just let it go all of my dreams?
I could never do that. Leaving all of the dream. The one thing that actually mine. I should chase it even if it’s took my life. Angry daughter they said. The one sacrifices a lot i said. The more i realize i overthink it too much. I don’t have to be father figures to anyone and just be what they need. as a friend as a daughter as a sister as a bestfriend as a eldest daughter without all of the boredom people said about it. I bigger than that so i stop being the bigger person
