Temptations and Prisons
I don’t know if I should be with her still or not
Times got so rough I feel like God drugged me, raped me, and left me naked on the side of the highway to find my way back home
Back home to a a broken house with mold on the walls
Repeated generational traumas sitting on the porch trying to groom me in and break my buck
Running out of luck I move to old resorts
Snorting strawberry dust leaving strawberry streaks all over my skin as subtle communication and prayer to my faggot God for bringing me here
Wishing my mother had an abortion and skipped out on my birth
I wouldn’t care if she drank or did drugs while I was in her womb, I wish something crawled in and carved my black ass out
Get Ravenshade’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
I wish I didn’t exist sometimes
I find my family as more inmates in a supermax prison being governed by rape and the trauma and bonds the family together
We love the codependency with one another
We love putting ourselves last for others than act surprised why we get picked last like a good guy
The good guy with a bleeding heart and no assertiveness to place my self-worth above pleasing other people
I try way to hard to be what other people want me to be in pocket of times
Pick pocketing my personality to try to gain value from the “right” one
Failed relationships and blocked off love has me pissed
Broken and lost prison guard of a sibling blocking off the one thing that would make me happy
Mother coming in and instilling self-doubt any time anything real, valuable, or beneficial to me enters my life they both want to interceded
Both want to get in the way from what would make me happy so I have to play good boy villain with a dark half like Ted Bundy
Going for what I want passive aggressively trying to maintain my relationship harmony while trying to go after what I want is like a pretend gay to fit in with the community but is secretly straight
You were traumatized and want to fit in with the “cool kids” with all the influence and power but deep down you can’t deny how good her ass would feel against you
Dirty past
Dark past
A past that was quick, fun, and violent
A past that’s hard to let go of because the identity inside the darkness feels so good
It feels comfortable and familiar to navigate so I don’t bother growing or changing
Deep down I’m scared of change and being myself as if every thought in my mind is a critical female figure in my life trying to keep me in a box
A false box of illusion while I’m trying to move towards my real misses
A real woman who values my growth, mental, and emotional health rather than a dictator bitch trying to get me to fit into her vision of what I should be for her as a man rather than the man that I truly am
Life is difficult to navigate and live sometimes but if I love violence then I should be strong enough to take the risk to escape this prison and expectations that I think others have of me but they really have thoughts of teasing me, being jealous of me, fighting with me, and being violent
You think they really love you but behind your back they’re secretly cursing you, keeping is subconscious hoping you’re unconscious to it like a serial killer hiding their kill from the masses
