fatherless behaviour
to the man who taught me to love pain,
i fall in love with men who abuse me, threaten me, disrespect me and treat me like mud stuck on the bottom of their shoes, so long as they always apologise and bar me from leaving. and it’s all because of you. i look for your love in every man i see. i long for a childhood that has already passed me by. at the ripe age of six i would listen to my mother going on and on about you. what a disgusting and wretched being you are and all the disgusting, wretched things that you have done to her. it’s been ten years since. nothing’s changed. you beat her into submission. she thought she could change you. i allow boys and men to strip me of my dignity because you taught me that was the way a woman should be treated. i put out because thats the only way to get men to like me. even if it’s just for a minute. i dress skimpy because that catches their eye. when i am alone i feel this gaping hole in my heart that cannot ever be filled. i am sick of listening about your animosity. i wish you had really left instead of giving me that tiny sliver of hope that you would be the father a girl needs.
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you monster.
you are to blame for everything.
you are the great destroyer of hopes and aspirations.
you are the devil in disguise.
you are the love i look for in indifference.
you are a man.
