Better far than close
You don’t have to update me about your life. I was at peace not knowing what you were doing, where you were, or what was happening with you.
Then you called. You said we would meet, and we did. But somewhere inside, I already knew that I didn’t want to get close to you again. I know that sounds harsh, stupid, but I need you to understand this.
If you stop telling me about your life, I’ll probably be more peaceful. Let it be that way.
We met a few times these past weeks, and I barely said a word. You were telling me about your life and expecting me to open up about mine. But I didn’t want to. Not because I have nothing to say – there’s actually too much happening in my life, personally and financially. If I start talking, I probably won’t know where to stop.
And maybe in a few minutes, or a few days, you’ll leave again. I know you. So I chose not to start.
Sometimes, being silent around you and simply listening to you is easier for me than trying to explain myself.
I told you in our final call that I was being harsh because I needed you to understand that I don’t want to stay in touch. You were irritated hearing it because you believe you never did anything wrong. Maybe you didn’t. But I still owe myself this decision.
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You want to stay in touch. I don’t.
Not because I don’t care. Maybe that’s exactly why.
It’s better for me to be far and new than close and relevant to you.
One day, you’ll probably forget me. For you, maybe I’ll become a page of memories – something you experienced, something that happened in your life.
But I don’t think I’ll forget you that easily. I take note of everything. Some people pass through your life; some people leave something behind.
You left something behind in mine.
So, thank you. And I’m sorry.
And yes, stupid – I’ll always love calling you that. You’re my stupid. The stupid I’ll always care about, even if I choose not to stay in touch with you.
I just think loving someone sometimes also means knowing when to stay away.
