How Self Coaching can Help You Heal from a Reputation Disaster
How Self Coaching can Help You Heal from a Reputation Disaster
Guest post expertise: Jennifer Cunningham, Oxygen Coaching
When clients face a real or perceived reputation crisis, whether it be an unexpected layoff or firing — happening all too often these days — false accusation or some other emotional trauma attached to one’s reputation, it’s easy for many of us to go straight to that dark place of wondering how we will survive.
For many it is a process, a never ending one. Ruminate, relax, repeat. Usually, on spin cycle. It might look something like this.
Self-talk, Cycle 1:
“What did I do to deserve this? What the hell? What am I going to do now, everyone knows what happened? What if no one will hire me? What if no one believes me? Will I lose the house, my spouse, my life?”
Self-talk, Cycle 2:
“What am I thinking? It will be ok. I have some money in the bank. I will start looking for another job right now. My wife-husband-family and friends all support me. Everything will be fine. What am I worried about?”
These two cycles usually repeat themselves many times during the coping-healing process, which can take weeks, months and even years.
Some people let the situation eat away at them and never get over it, letting it define them.
Many targets write about the situation. Writing has a cathartic effect. Some people talk about it to whoever will listen, also cathartic, while often wearing down even their most faithful fans. Some enlist the help of a counselor or coach. All great options.
But there is another way to bypass the spin cycle and go straight to dried, pressed and ready to go. It can be repeated as often as needed. It can be used solo, or in combination with other methods.
The Self-coaching model is a process developed by famed Life Coach, Brooke Castillo. It is a self-help tool that can assist in gaining control of ruminating thoughts and get back in the action of life. Many find this system is all they need to heal. Used often enough, it certainly can be. While others use it as one method, among several.
Get Red Diamonds Features: Michael Toebe’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
And here’s how you do it.
Let’s start with the example above, you have been fired unexpectedly. This is the circumstance; it’s a fact, it happened.
Then you have a thought about the circumstance. Your thoughts about the circumstance are what cause you to feel a certain way. There are many thoughts you could have. Some are more common than others.
They could be, “I am incompetent, no wonder they fired me,” or “she must really not like me, to let me go after so many years,” or “hmm, I wonder what I did wrong?” The truly positive person might even think, “great, this is just the push I needed to find a new, better job.”
The thoughts are not right or wrong, they are natural reactions based on our conditioning. The important point is to recognize the thought is not the circumstance. The circumstance is what happened, the thoughts are what we make it mean.
Thoughts then lead to feelings about the circumstance. In this scenario, feelings could be: anger, frustration, anxiety, excitement, shame, sadness, worthlessness. All very normal.
The feelings are what lead to action, reaction or inaction. Ask yourself, “what do I do when I have these feelings?” Overeat, drink, indulge? Lash out at loved ones, kick the dog? Or maybe nothing except, ruminate, relax, repeat.
Your actions then lead to results.
This is sometimes a difficult model to follow because we are so enmeshed with our conditioned responses to circumstances. We often get agreement from well meaning friends and family. They don’t like to see us hurt and agree with whatever feeling we’re having.
The key takeaway of the Self-coaching model is to notice the distinction between the circumstances and the thoughts we have about them. It is a way to slow down the mind, to take control of thoughts and choose another way; gradually move to a more neutral thought.
For example, if your first thought is, “I am incompetent,” perhaps a more neutral thought is, “I have had several successes and a few missteps.” Give it a try.
Brooke Castillo offers a podcast that speaks about the model in more detail. You can find it at the Life Coach School.
If you are experiencing a workplace trauma or harassment, humiliation, or defamation, do not let it define you. Get support.
Article authored by Jennifer Cunningham, Reputation Repair Coach at Oxygen Coaching.
Michael Toebe helps individuals and organizations accurately analyze and wisely, more successfully respond to conflict and crisis that threatens or harms reputation. He writes and publishes Red Diamonds Essays and has written advisory for Chief Executive, Corporate Board Member, New York Law Journal, Corporate Compliance Insights and Physicians Practice and publishes as well on LinkedIn and beBee.
