going nowhere.
i think this is just me being overthinking (also feel a lil’ bit mellow coz my hormones) but i currently feel like i am going nowhere. i don’t even know where am i next week. i don’t know what’s life want me to do. my confidence just goes lower each day and i don’t know how to boost it.
lagi merasa hidup seperti hamster yang kerjaannya lari on his silent wheel thinking how far he already reached when in reality he is going nowhere. i don’t blame anyone in this case, i just blame myself.
lagi dalam kondisi yang kurang baik sampe rasanya ada momen dimana aku merasa mau muntah. ada banyak perasaan yang aku rasain dan aku bingung gimana cara untuk meluapkannya dan berakhir mau muntah. in the past, i had some friends who i can talk to about this thing. tapi, rasanya sekarang udah gak bisa karena mereka juga punya kesibukan dan udah gak sejalan aja. i don’t think talking about some of these weight to the people who can’t saw my pov is just gonna waste our time.
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rasanya juga tiap nafas selalu menghela nafas secara lebih kasar dari biasanya. kayak berat aja gitu rasanya. and i know some people might noticed this tapi aku betulan gak berniat untuk menghela nafas secara kasar… it just happened….
akhir-akhir ini lagi mulai banyak baca tulisan fiksi lagi to boost my mood. i try to find a cute fluffy story and avoid the angst one. these days, it’s easy for me to cry so angst is just no. thanks to all the author for making a good story. jasa kalian sangatlah besar dan semoga Tuhan mempermudah jalan hidup kalian semua. Amen.
idk why i wrote this btw. guess i just need a place to throwed up this bad thoughts. maybe because i’m still on my period, but i feel useless, moree than last month. i feel more like a burden. perasaan kayak gini tuh selalu bikin aku mempertanyakan apakah aku berhak untuk ngerasain perasaan seenggak enak ini? what did i do that makes God think i am one of his strongest soldiers so that’s why He gave me all of this?
but february move faster than january. idk if this is a good or bad sign. i only hope that life treat me nicely. please. i beg.
