Home
My concept of ‘home’ has always been where I live for an extended period of time. For around 18 years this was Liverpool — the city became familiar, the people were friendly and welcoming, it became home to me.
Alongside this, home was also here with my parents in Basildon, Essex. In a house I had lived in since the age of seven, with breaks for university and a time spent living with my uncle nearby before moving to Liverpool. I used to visit my home from home a few times a year, especially at Christmas, but these times were short — I found longer visits difficult because the relationship would regress into old habits. It’s interesting how we can so easily fall back into playing the role of ‘child’ with your parents, even when you are in your 40+ years!
And now, I’m back. I returned to my childhood home in September 2023. There were a lot of changes that led up to this move — changes in my career path, my personal life and my relationship with my now elderly parents. But other places have become ‘home’ too: a church that is LGBTQ+ affirming, an LGBTQ+ community choir and a monthly acting class. In all these places I have found communities of people like me, who allow me to be my authentic self, and who affirm and encourage me to my best self. These are places of real and deepening connections. With people who I enjoy exploring aspects of life with — and for me that includes singing and performing. I don’t feel judged in these places either, they may not know everything about me, but I feel seen and heard.
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So what is ‘home’? For me this a place of welcome, safety, acceptance and affirmation. I used to allow partial acceptance to be enough, because I didn’t accept parts of myself, but now only full acceptance is good enough — now that I have fully accepted myself. For two long parts of who I am were not ‘acceptable’, I felt I had to filter myself, to wear a mask to fit in. Ultimately I wasn’t at home, I had created a persona that I felt wouldn’t be rejected, this wasn’t affirming and I lived with the fear of being found out.
Therefore, ‘home’ is not so much a place than a feeling, a state of mind, a state of being.
The question comes to mind, as we start a module on the Metaverse in the Digital Skills Bootcamp. Could I find ‘home’ online? Could the Metaverse create a place where I feel welcome, safe, accepted and affirmed? Can an online space truly replicate the feeling of physical presence and community? The development of online video meetings during the pandemic didn’t satisfy the longing for connection. Being permitted to hug someone or attend a live theatre performance, among other things, couldn’t compare.
I’ve used Virtual Reality headsets before and they technology has developed in ways I could only dream of as a child, but it doesn’t feel like real life. I expect the technology to develop even further incorporating aspects of Augmented Reality, but will it feel like ‘home’? Perhaps the ability to create personalised spaces within the Metaverse could create a feeling of home, or perhaps the lack of true physical interaction will always leave a void.
The jury is out on that one. What do you think?What does ‘home’ mean to you? Have you ever found ‘home’ in an unexpected place? How has your definition of ‘home’ changed over time? It would be interesting to hear your thoughts.
Perhaps, in the end, ‘home’ is not something we find, but something we create within ourselves and with others.
