For First Year Black College Students:
Everyone always mentions that in high school you figure out who you are, but according to this, I’d be a late bloomer. In college I managed to find my confidence and my voice as a person. I figured out important aspects of myself that will influence my career choices, my relationships, and ultimately how my life will shape. This idea comes from a friend working on something for her high school in regards to black stories and advice for incoming black college students and I thought about my experiences in my undergraduate career and how there were some important things I needed to hear before walking on that campus. This is not an exhaustive list, this is just based from my experience —
- It’s Okay You Didn’t Go To an HBCU:
I say this because I would have loved to go to a Historically Black College/University however, it was just not in the cards for me. I think of how my family was just not financially stable enough to help me in the majority of my college search. A deciding factor was definitely money, every time, and let’s be real, I got money not ONLY based on merit. They needed some BLACK excellence, and let me tell you, I brought it.
2. Not Everyone Has Money:
I went to college with my best friend, and we’re sitting and someone asked us, “Where do you guys vacation?” (my best friend is white). We’re sitting there, and we glance at each other, and we said where we lived, because honestly we went home every break. We laughed because, of course we didn’t go on vacation every break. Hell, my family has never been on a vacation, but this opened up a conversation not only between us, but also with that one girl about how not everyone lives the same life or experiences. Yes, we went to a school that made our pockets hurt, but people were working three jobs and you had others whose parents paid the for each semester in full with a check.
3. Imposter Syndrome is Real & You Shouldn’t Fall For It:
Obviously, you’re surrounded by people who live completely different lives from you, and something will happen where you feel out of touch or excluded and then you’ll feel it — you’ll feel like you’re not good enough. This happened because of money for me. I couldn’t go out all the time. At work I was looking for more paid opportunities because I could barely keep my phone on with my office assistant job. I called my older sister crying and I told her, “I just don’t belong. It shouldn’t be this hard.” She immediately shut me up and gave me something I needed which was tough love. My grades were fine, I didn’t have a problem academically, I just felt as if it was my calling, it would not be this hard. Ultimately it got easier.
Whether it’s in the realm of class, race, gender, sexuality, etc., when you’re the minority it’s very easy to get in your own head about, “why aren’t there more like me here?” — but you do belong. Don’t give imposter syndrome that much power. You belong.
4. Be Confident In Your Experiences:
I went in very timid that my life and my experiences as a Black person really only existed in my head. Frankly, I was slightly embarrassed of where I came from and what I experienced because of circumstances growing up, but I quickly learned that those experiences made me one of a kind and if I can’t embrace these parts of myself that play a major role in who I am, then do I give people the privilege of knowing who I am? I quickly learned that my experiences brought me to college. They helped me along the way. They remain super important to this day. Bring those experiences to conversation because you never know what you’ll find.
5. Take Care of Yourself:
Both mentally and physically. I wish I did more of the physical work, but to be honest, I am not one for the gym.
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I realized within my freshman year, I lost so much weight because I was anxious about homework and classes and involvement. I ate snacks everyday but I couldn’t finish a meal. Reflecting on it, it was scary. I thought I was larger back then too, but when I look in pictures, I was thinner than I appeared.
I started my therapy journey here too, (while it was free). I figured since I was anxious and had depressive episodes where I found my academics and love for what I was doing slipping, I’d bring myself to the counseling center. I was nervous, and growing up I’ve heard different things about therapy and we all know the “depress them damn dishes” trope, where black parents won’t think you’re depressed because you’re not paying bills, as if you have anything to be depressed about. So, naturally I was nervous, but I walked out my senior year, feeling a lot better about myself and different aspects of my life. I truly recommend it.
6. Get Involved:
I spent my four years on Student Government, in mentorship programs and I was also an RA for three years. Yes, absolutely time consuming but a lot of the time it did not feel like work. Getting involved was something I did almost as soon as I touched campus. I wanted to feel like I was involved in a larger vision, like yeah I helped put that together and I got that feeling and SOMETIMES felt fulfilled in my work, but that’s because of the nature of my school. (iykyk)
Being over involved can be a slow poison. In my Freshman year I was involved in so much, I thought I was going to explode. Overextending myself was probably the reason why I had trouble freshman year. Only really get involved in things that you enjoy and it’ll never feel like a bother or a hindrance!
7. All of Your Friends Don’t Have To Be Black:
I felt this pressure to be friends with all the black students because it felt like a High School Musical moment, because we were all in that together, but honestly, not really. Sometimes it felt like we were trauma bonding all the time about being marginalized and feeling like constant outcasts. It was not healthy for me. I found some other friends from my involvement and it felt nice to have people in multiple pockets that I could go eat with or just complain to sometimes. However, I will emphasize that it is important to find people like you and have common ground, and stand up for your community. Being in a group of white people can be exhausting, but when you find the right white people who will give you your space and will have critical conversations with you, it’s rewarding, but it’s also nice to just walk into a room of black people, dap everyone up and just begin relating about the black experience. Don’t sell yourself short.
8. Stand Up For Yourself:
Don’t let anyone bully you into anything you don’t want to do. If that’s drinking, drugs, sex, etc., stand up for yourself. I had trouble standing up for myself in the beginning because of my confidence issues, but eventually, I found myself saying no to favors because I just did not want to do them. Your undergraduate career is only four years and you cannot spend them trying to please people or being bullied by someone. Understanding your worth is a big piece of this considering you take on what you think you deserve.
9. Dress Up Sometimes:
This one seems, “eh”, but honestly dressing up sometimes will help you feel better about going to your 4:00–6:30 class. I very much believe in the “Look good, feel good” philosophy. It is very easy to get trapped in either wearing ball shorts, leggings or sweats to class everyday but dressing up and feeling confident in your look can really change the trajectory of your day. I love plaid pants, so I would wear some plaid pants and people would compliment me, and we ALL love compliments, and truly those would make me happier. I am not saying fish for compliments, but honestly, look good, feel good, do good.
10. You’re More Than Just A Black Student
In Sociology we have this concept called “Intersectionality” and it serves a major purpose in understanding why we do what we do but also how we perceive others. The point of this is that, I am made up of more than just Blackness. There are multiple parts of myself that make me who I am at any and every point time. I am never just black. There is a magnitude of identity factors that contribute. Gender, sexual orientation, Religion, all of these play a role. I was hyper aware of my race in every single space that I ended up neglected different parts of myself because there was always something regarding my race in every conversation or it was hinted at or it was the elephant that people did not want to mention.
You are never just black in these spaces.
It feels refreshing to write that and truly believe it.
