when do you know you like someone?
all the words i never said, and all the ones i might never say
“when do you know you like someone?” kailan nga ba?
baka noong unang beses na sumagi sa isip ko ang tanong na ‘yan, at ikaw agad ang naalala ng utak ko — parang sagot na hindi ko pa handang aminin.
maybe we don’t really know when. maybe it doesn’t happen all at once. maybe it arrives quietly, in moments so small you don’t even notice you’re already falling. maybe there isn’t one particular second when everything changes, no sudden realization, no grand revelation. maybe your heart has been finding its way to someone long before your mind learns how to call it love.
or maybe it was when i started going out of my way just to see you, when a day felt a little more worth looking forward to simply because there was a chance you’d be somewhere in it. when the most ordinary places started feeling a little less ordinary because you might be there. when, somehow, seeing you became something i looked forward to without ever admitting that i did.
or maybe it was when i found myself doing anything — anything — just to talk to you. just to keep a conversation going a little longer. just to find one more thing to say when we had already run out of things to talk about. when i started wishing that goodbyes took a little longer, that our conversations had no natural ending, that there was always one more minute left for us. and maybe i wasn’t trying to find something to talk about at all. maybe i was just finding reasons not to stop talking to you.
or maybe it was when i aced an exam, and out of everyone in the world. ikaw ang una kong naisip. not my score. not the relief of finally getting something right. not even the thought of telling the people who had been waiting for me to succeed. you.
parang hindi kumpleto ang saya hangga’t hindi ko nasasabi sa’yo. parang may kulang sa bawat magandang balita hangga’t hindi ko nakikita kung paano ka ngingiti kapag narinig mo. as if happiness had quietly become something i wanted to share with you first, before the excitement faded, before the moment passed, before i even had the chance to ask myself why. why you?
or maybe it was when i was at my lowest, and without thinking, ikaw ang hinanap ko. not because you had the answers. not because you could fix everything that was falling apart. but because, somehow, the thought of talking to you made everything feel a little less heavy. you were like the safest place i knew, even before i admitted that you were.
and isn’t that something? that in a world full of people i could turn to, my heart had already begun choosing you before i even knew i was looking for somewhere to belong.
or maybe it was in the simplest habit — isa…dalawa…tatlong lingon tuwing maghihiwalay tayo. one look to see if you’re still there. another because the first one wasn’t enough. and one last look, just in case my eyes could keep a little more of you than the moment was willing to give.
as if every glance over my shoulder were a quiet little plea: sandali lang. huwag ka munang umalis. huwag ka munang mawala. as if some part of me already knew that i would miss you the moment you were no longer beside me.
or maybe it was when your smile started to feel familiar. not just something beautiful to look at, but something i wanted to keep seeing. something i found myself looking for in a crowded room. something that could make an ordinary day feel lighter without you even knowing you had done anything.
and somewhere along the way, i started wishing that life would be gentle with you. that you’d have more reasons to smile than to cry. that the days that hurt you would be kinder. that even on the days when i couldn’t be there, the world would find a way to take care of you. when did your happiness become something that i quietly prayed for?
or maybe it was when your laugh started to echo in me. the kind that stays long after your voice fades into silence. the kind i remember at the most unexpected times, catching myself smiling at nothing because my mind had wandered back to a moment you probably forgot as soon as it happened. and maybe that’s the thing about you. you don’t even have to be there anymore for a part of you to stay.
or maybe it was when your silence started to matter too much. when i noticed the little changes in your voice, the pauses between your words, the moments when something felt different even when you insisted that nothing was wrong. when i started wondering if you were okay, if something had happened, if there was anything i could do. when every space you weren’t filling felt bigger than everyone else’s. when your absence started making a noise only i seemed to hear.
and maybe it was when i started finding you everywhere. in songs i didn’t mean to listen to. in lyrics that suddenly sounded a little too familiar. in places that reminded me of conversations we had. in little things i would have overlooked if they hadn’t somehow become connected to you. in quiet moments when i had absolutely nothing to think about, and yet, there you were. in the middle of a thought. at the end of a long day. in the seconds before i fell asleep, when my mind was too tired to pretend it didn’t know where it wanted to go.
you kept appearing in places where you had never even been. and i kept finding my way to you.
maybe it was then that i should’ve known. or maybe i knew long before that, and i was only collecting reasons because i wasn’t ready to face what they were beginning to mean. because how could i explain it?
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how could i explain why a message from you could change the entire direction of my day? why i would remember the smallest things you said but forget what i had been about to do? why i wanted to tell you things that didn’t even matter, things that had no reason to be shared except that they had happened to me, and somehow, that made me want you to know?
how could i explain why i wanted to be there for your good days, but also for the ones you didn’t know how to get through? why i wanted to hear about the things that made you happy, the things that kept you awake, the things you rarely told anyone? why knowing you was beginning to feel less like a curiosity and more like a privilege i didn’t want to take for granted?
and why, out of all the people i could have met, all the conversations i could have had, all the lives that could have crossed mine — why did it have to be you?
maybe that’s why i kept asking myself when.
because if i could find the exact moment it started, maybe i could understand how something so quiet had become something i could no longer ignore. maybe i could trace it back to a single conversation, a particular glance, a day that seemed ordinary until i started remembering it differently. maybe i could point to one moment and say, there. that’s when it happened.
but the more i thought about it, the more i realized that there was no single moment to return to. there was only the accumulation of little things.
the conversations i didn’t want to end. the glances i kept stealing. the good news i wanted you to hear first. the bad days when your presence felt like somewhere i could rest. the songs that started sounding like you. the silences that made me wonder if you were okay. the countless times my mind wandered to you without asking for permission. all those moments i had dismissed as nothing, one by one, until there were too many of them to keep calling them nothing.
and maybe that’s the most terrifying part. that i could have been falling for you all this time, and never once noticed the ground disappearing beneath my feet.
because maybe liking someone isn’t one exact moment. maybe it isn’t a decision you make, or a feeling that arrives with enough certainty for you to recognize it right away. maybe it’s a collection of all the times your heart chooses someone before you even realize it’s choosing. a thousand little decisions you never meant to make. a thousand ordinary moments that become extraordinary only when you look back and find the same person at the center of them all.
and maybe, somewhere between the first time i looked for you and the thousandth time i caught myself thinking about you, my heart had already made its decision. maybe it had been answering the question all along. maybe i was the only one who hadn’t been listening.
and maybe… i didn’t know when it started.
i only know that somewhere along the way, you stopped being just someone i wanted to see, someone i wanted to talk to, someone i was happy to find in the middle of an ordinary day.
somewhere along the way, you became the person i wanted to tell things to. the person i looked for in a room. the person whose happiness mattered to me in ways i couldn’t quite explain. the person who crossed my mind when something good happened, and the person i wanted near when nothing felt good at all.
somewhere along the way, the little things stopped being little. and you stopped being just you.
you became the name my mind reached for before i could think of anyone else. the face that found its way into my happiest moments. the person i kept choosing in all the ways i didn’t know i was choosing.
and now, when i ask myself that question again — when do you know you like someone? i think if every moment i’ve just remembered. every glance. every conversation. every unsent thought. every little reason i tried to make sense of, as if feelings needed to justify themselves before they were allowed to exist.
and i realize that perhaps the answer was never meant to be a particular day or a particular moment. perhaps the answer was hidden in the way i kept coming back to you. in the way it was always you. ikaw ang una kong naalala. ikaw ang hinanap ko. ikaw ang gusto kong pagsabihan. ikaw ang gusto kong manatili.
and perhaps, if i’m being honest with myself for once, the answer is much simpler than all the reasons i’ve tried to gather.
i don’t know when it started. i don’t know which moment mattered most, or which little thing finally tipped my heart over the edge.
all i know is that, somewhere between all those ordinary days, all those fleeting glances, all those conversations i wished could last a little longer — without asking, without warning, without even realizing i was doing it — my heart fell for you.
and the saddest, sweetest part?
i think it had chosen you long before i found the courage to say your name and admit what it meant.
