A puzzle to be solved ..
Write a letter to your fears and confront them:
To the fear of success, which has haunted me since time immemorial and which I still refuse to acknowledge.
The year that will end in a few hours…
Was heavy… very slow…that its days felt like months, and its months like decades.
And its hours only passed peacefully if I escaped to sleep for most of them… I closed my eyes… and with them my mind… and we drifted into a world of nothingness.
It was a frustrating year… barren… despite all my attempts to make it fruitful.
It will end just as it came.
Yes
I am grateful for my existence and the breath that still fills my body.
I am grateful that I haven’t suffered devastating losses.
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I am grateful that those I love are well, healthy, and by my side.
I am grateful that I was able to minimize losses and maintain the results of my continuous efforts, even if I couldn’t increase them in any way.
This year…
I painted a lot. I gazed at my humble paintings with love, passion, and admiration.
I wrote a lot and read my words with gratitude for their birth from the depths of my feelings, for their ability to represent my silent existence.
This year… waking up to start a new day was one of the hardest tasks, while quickly collapsing into bed was one of the easiest and most peaceful.
I always wonder… why do we want the days to pass so quickly, to leap between years, while they stealing our time on this earth , diminish them, and make them closer to the end than to the beginning?
I reflected on my goals, my dreams, my fantasies…
I checked My notebooks… and my laptop…
I looked at my office and studio, filled with unused items, unrealized ideas, and unseen work.
It’s as if I’m a story that refuses to be a whole … There’s always something postponed, something missing.
And there I am… the woman who thinks she knows what she wants… until the moment she faces the passing days, and everything she wants, loves, and works on remains trapped in her mind, a fear of success or perhaps failure?
Or just she couldn’t figure out yet how to do things right without so much thinking ..
A puzzle needs to be solved.
