It’s All Yoda’s Fault
With the new Star Wars movie coming out this month, I thought I’d take a moment to point out that the whole mess with the intergalactic war between the Rebels (or whatever they call themselves now that they beat the Empire and are in charge) and the remnants of the Empire (how do these guys even manage to hide from the good guys? I mean, I know space is infinite, but it seems hard to hide a whole fleet of star destroyers AND a super weapon that can blow up planets) is all Yoda’s fault.
People love Yoda because he talks funny and is tiny. That’s a winning combination if you ever want to make friends. Just look at Tyrion Lannister and Willow. Yoda also says wise things and is supposedly really good with the Force. But really, he’s the one who messed up the whole galaxy by letting Qui-gon Jinn and Obi Wan Kenobi recruit Anakin Skywalker. Yoda was all, “You know what, guys? This might be a bad idea. Sometimes a person can have too many Midiclorians.” Actually, it was more like, “Know what, you guys? A Bad idea this might be. Too many Midiclorians sometimes a person can have. Yeeeeeeees.”
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Yoda knew Anakin shouldn’t have trained as a Jedi, and Anakin probably would’ve been much happier had he just been left in peace on Tatooine to become a professional pod racer. You can make good credits doing that! Instead, Yoda let him join the Jedi Academy, and we know what happened from there. Anakin went to the Dark Side, betrayed his former friends, murdered everyone inside the Jedi Academy, and became a sad little minion for Emperor Palpatine. And where was Yoda during all of this? Doing nothing. For supposedly being this bad ass Jedi master dude, he got his butt whooped by Emperor Palpatine then ran away to hide in a swamp.
It wouldn’t be so bad if Yoda had just stayed in the swamp, but then he trains Luke Skywalker, the son of the dude you never should’ve let train in the first place. This is after he tells the ghost of Obi Wan that he shouldn’t train Luke because, you know, the apple doesn’t fall that far from the tree. But Yoda goes against his better judgment again, and we know what happens from there. Luke never completes his training because the bad guys trick him into a trap using Luke’s friends as bait. When he goes back to finish his training, Yoda dies without even leaving detailed instructions, and Luke is left to become this self-taught sort-of Jedi with only a half-baked understanding of the Force.
The problem is, Luke uses this half-baked understanding to teach other students, including Kylo Ren. And since Kylo Ren is the grandson of Anakin Skywalker, he goes on a massive killing spree and murders all the other Jedi-in-training. It wouldn’t be so bad if Luke had just retired from teaching. In fact, I’ll even give him credit for running off to a tiny rock to hide, but we know that in the new movie, he trains Rey (probably against his better judgment). It’s only a matter of time until he blows it, and Rey joins up with Kylo Ren to rampage through the galaxy obliterating all traces of Light. When the galaxy is cast in eternal Dark, we’ll know where to point the finger.
Thanks a lot, Yoda.
