What’s With the Eyelashes Already?
Dear Rose: What’s gone wrong with women’s eyelashes? They used to be for keeping out dirt and dust — and sometimes to look a bit beautiful with mascara. Now they’re these fake, long, heavy, weepy-looking things that make women look chronically tired. I find myself trying to follow the heavy-lidded pattern of these babies when I watch TV reporters — and sometimes the doctor’s receptionists. They are NOT attractive. Why do women do these things? — Blinking
Dear Blinking: You are noticing on ordinary women what starlets have been doing for decades: pasting on their body parts. Rita Hayworth and Twiggy wore false eyelashes, but ordinary women put away these foolish things after prom night. False eyelashes come unglued during heavy petting, cause eye irritation and do not change a person’s popularity.
I remember when manicures and pedicures existed only as a sideline in some beauty shops. Now manicure shops are everywhere, and women are wearing these long, long nails with glittery designs and somehow managing to work their computer keyboards flat-fingered. Most of these fingernails are fake, too. So it was only a small step for womankind to paste on eyelashes.
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Most false eyelashes, known as “permanent,” are really not permanent. They are extensions of real eyelashes, made out of the person’s own hair or synthetic, and have to be applied at beauty shops and then reapplied or serviced every 6 to 8 weeks. And then there are the false eyelashes you can buy at Walmart. They have to be glued on, and they can also be removed. Sometimes you will see a woman with Walmart eyes, i.e. one eye has the eyelash band flapping in the breeze because it has become unglued. No one has the courage to tell her.
Finally, there are the really permanent surgical eyelashes which have to be put on by a dermatologist. Hair follicles are removed from the back of the head and then transplanted to the eyelid. Problems? You bet. №1 is cost, and insurance usually won’t pay. №2 is infection. №3 is four months to a year waiting for a good result because the initial follicles fall out but re-grow just like head hair. №4 is repeat visits to the doctor because scalp hair grows loooong, so the lashes have to be groomed repeatedly to restrain them as eyelid hair. They also grow in haphazard directions, sometimes right into the eye.
I share your quandary on why women want these things. They make me do a serious double-take. I find myself staring at these fake lashes, waiting for the eyelids to give up their struggle and shut like a coffin lid. They make most women look heavy-lidded and tired. They don’t look weird on starlets like Kim Kardashian because starlets are fake all over: fake boobs, fake butts, fake faces. The eyelashes fit right in. On ordinary women, especially in the absence of party makeup, they really do look out of place. How can a person pay attention to a financial analyst whose eyelashes are clunking furiously up and down her face?
There’s hope. Some experts are predicting that bleached eyebrows will be gone this year. Center parts may go, too. Hopefully, wearing clunky athletic shoes with party dresses will be out soon. Also hopefully, shaving off one side of the head and leaving the other side long will disappear. What about dying the hair hot pink? Or hot purple? Try interviewing for a decent job with hot purple hair, a nose ring and a tongue staple.
In answer to your question, Blinking: Why do women do these things? That’s the eighth mystery of the world!
