Reflections

2 min readDec 15, 2025

I wish that I could be literally anybody but myself. I’m shattered. I’m tired, of constantly hoping, dreaming, wishing for everything I could have ever wanted and then knowing that 10 out of 10 times when this stuff happened in the past, it all went to shit. And I was the one that was left broken. Not him, no. Because he wasn’t the one spending every waking minute holding on that tiny shred of hope given by the other person and envisioning a future that may or may not come true. He wasn’t the one that couldn’t imagine a life without the other person. And yet I know that I’m being ‘too much’ again, right? I mean, those dating 101 rule books will all tell you the same thing. DON’T talk about a future, a life together and god forbid a PROPOSAL until you are at least a few years into the relationship and even then, it might be pushing it. Yeahhhh. Well I clearly threw that rulebook out the window didn’t I? Yeppp. I’m the over emotional one over here, the one who is of course FARRR too intense- “some guys can handle it, but it’s definitely not for me!” Shout out to my ex situationship who made that monumental statement before swiftly exiting at stage left. And side note? Most guys can’t handle it- it’s just the reality. In being someone who dreams of real love, romance, my happy ending and more importantly, being OPEN. about it, I was labelled as the girl that’s just a bit MUCH. In being someone who needs regular reassurance, reminders of my worth, love and attention, I was annoying to most guys, high maintenance and quite frankly, “hard work”. Trust me when I say I’m used to it by now. And then, there was that one guy that seemed to get it. Who met my insecurity with care and understanding. And who, lo and behold, liked me back! Yet something inside me still doubted things. Couldn’t cope when he didn’t open up the same way I did, despite me knowing that some guys take longer to come out of their shell and not everyone dwells on the future as closely as you do. Of course along the way deciding that deep down, he was clearly thinking other more unsavoury things that he was deliberately keeping from me, most likely out of fear of hurting me and leaving me broken, as he knew how much I liked him. Maybe even falling in you-know-what and the thought of that scared the bejesus out of him.