Between I Hate You And I Miss You.
The inner me wanted to shout "I hate you," but instead, I said "I miss you."
The war between my head and my heart was raging.
I couldn't decide which one to listen to.
My mind played a highlight reel of all the past traumas you put me through — the disrespect, the irresponsibility, the silence when all I needed was a voice to reassure me. It reminded me of every moment I stood alone, waiting for you to show up—not just physically, but emotionally. It replayed the times I made excuses for your absence, the times I silenced my own needs to keep the peace.
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But my heart… my heart was stubborn.
It painted a softer picture of you — the one who held me when I cried, who apologized with sincerity in your eyes, who made me laugh like no one else could. It whispered that maybe you did love me, just not in the way I needed. It romanticized your effort, even when it came too late.
I’m not here to say I was perfect — I wasn’t.
I was emotional. I expected. I gave too much, perhaps without boundaries.
But love, true love, shouldn’t feel like a battlefield. It shouldn’t make you question your worth just because someone else isn’t ready to value it.
It’s not that I’m unwilling to compromise — I am.
But I will never agree to stay in a place where my dignity is threatened.
Because love without respect is just another form of self-betrayal.
And I’ve betrayed myself for you too many times already.
My love for you blinded me to your flaws, and now it hurts to be trapped in a space where love lingers between longing and pain. I couldn’t hate you enough to say it, but I loved you enough to admit—I miss you.
But missing you doesn't mean I want you back.
It just means there was once something real. Something that mattered.
And now… now I choose me.
