the 1.
It’s August already and the thoughts of you are still lingering in my mind. You have no idea how hard it is to erase whatever you left in me. The memories of you still haunt me in my sleep, the what-if scenario is still being made in my mind, and your old fragrance still feels familiar every time I step outside.
We were something, don’t you think so? This will be my fourth writing I wrote on your behalf, making me think, “What the hell did you do to me that made me still think I could make you my muse for my writings?” I met new friends, you know, and I told them about you. I told my mom about you too, though. They tell me to get over you already since I’m way out of your league now that you chose someone so different from me. I mean, they didn’t realize that’s what I’ve been doing all this time. They didn’t know how hard it is to get over you, and neither did I. I have to always remind myself that if you really wanted me, you really should’ve shown up. Which you never did, and I have to remind myself again that it is okay. Because if you never bleed, you never really grow.
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They say you will meet the one when you are already in the state of the one for your ‘the one.’ Only if that sentence makes sense to you, but it hit me hard like being struck by a bus in the middle of the road. What if the universe has to keep us apart and not let us intertwine in this moment because we outgrown ourselves and are not the ones for each other? And what if in our journey of being apart, we learned and we’re being carved to fit each other’s version of ‘the one’? If only I could afford to be that selfish, I would’ve begged God to make this wish of mine come true. Because if my wishes came true, it would’ve been you. Don’t you think it would’ve been fun if you would’ve been the one?
I persist and resist the temptation to ask you. If one thing had been different from the start, would everything be different today? These silly thoughts keep lingering in my mind without ever showing the expiration date on it. Making me keep praying to God to shape me and asking the universe to carve me into the one for you. That should’ve shown how determined I was to end up with you. But as the time grew, I didn’t think I could afford to be the one for you. With the unrealistic dream of yours and the reality of truth struck on my side, I didn’t think we could be each other’s ‘the one.’ And as the reality struck, I prayed that God and the universe could tell me which way to go. Whether it is you or not, I pray and will always pray I will have the one that could ever treat me as gentle as they treat the silks, that could neutralize every thoughts of mine that get overbearing sometime, that could calming down any hurricane happening inside my mind, that could make me know my self-worth and understand me like I’m an opened book. Someone that could make me see the unseen things he’d done to me, someone that could make me lower my guard without ever making me small, and someone that could make me realize he’s the one I will be settled with.
I won’t close any door that connects us; I don’t want to lose my dream of you being my ‘the one.’ But I hope you know your worth, and I hope you realize I’m a human being that deserves to be treated as good as possible, as precious as the gold and diamond in the world. And so are you and your lovers. They didn’t deserve to be treated less than their worth. But it would’ve been sweet if we ended up being each other’s ‘the one.’ Rewriting our story together ever again, a good and a sweet one without any sorrow and despair like we once have.
