It is literally ten minutes into the fifteenth of February. Social media homepages are still being flooded by an overflow of selfies taken during the day or mushy status updates addressed to ‘the one.’ There has also been no lack of cynic pessimists. The mild ones, like myself, will probably just roll their eyes, mutter a few words under their breath and be done with it. Then there are the really angry ones who will type in huge updates about the whole culture of capitalism ruining the purity of love. Followed closely in numbers, by those who are sad and depressed, filling up their timelines with ‘I am so worthless that nobody wants me.’
Wait. Stop. Breathe. There is actually nothing wrong with having a day for celebrating love. No matter how much pessimism we display, however much we sleep around, however much we go around saying that we have issues with commitment, at the end of the day, just like every other person in this world, or any other alternate realities, we want to have that one person to go back to, to fall back on, to miss and to kiss, to hold and cry and to care for. The amount of pessimism that we see on social media might make us believe that so many people actually don’t believe in love. Truth is, they do. They do not want to come home to empty walls and a cold bed anymore. The pillow can never be what arms are. They are not angry at Valentine’s Day. They are angry at their own lives.
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And truth be told, I understand that. I have spent my Valentine’s Day sweating it out at a due submission. But, in the secrecy of my heart, I have wished that you were here. Maybe it really does not signify anything to you. But, I still made you a card. I will probably never be able to give it you, because moments after I completed it, I was already wondering whether this would become ‘too much’, or too cheesy. I have checked the status of that flight every five minutes because somehow I just want you to be in the same city. And then, I have also tried to sleep but I could not, because I am obviously extremely anxious, so I sat down to write this. I want to write this because there might be other girls out there who need to stop feeling guilty about being the first one to love. I want to also write this to tell you the things about you that I love.
The face you make when you know I am right. The shock on your face when you wake up from sleep in the morning. The space next to your shoulder blade where my head finds a perfect pillow. The way you break into music, I love it when you sing (except when it is your rendition of “I wanna break free”). I love how you can’t decide your clothes. I love the perpetual confusion you are in about most things. And I love the stuff you watch on Youtube (despite us “not having the same taste”). I love the fact that you understand feminism in a very simple way that cuts through academic jargon. I love to have you on my side. There are a lot of other things that I love and adore about you, but I think I can sum it up in the next sentence: You are stupid and confused, but it makes me happy to be able to help you there.
It is okay, really, to love first. To be the one who is attached and is not afraid to show it. I know we have come a long way and if I am overdoing it, which I am almost ninety nine percent sure that I am, it’s because I have had to go through a lot. I think I deserve to be happy and to show it. Don’t worry, it will wear out in some time. Then, I will behave in a manner more suited to a calm, composed and mature young lady.
To all the other young people out there, wait, stop, breathe. Do not hold yourself back, throw all your love at them. If they can’t catch it, if they run away making some stupid, cliche excuse, bad for them, they did not deserve you. Celebrate love, celebrate love everyday, but don’t hold Valentine’s Day responsible for not having something. It is going to come your way soon and you are going to want to celebrate each other and your togetherness in the same ways. The world right now is turning uglier even as I type. We can do better than killing and hurting each other over whether or not it is politically incorrect to celebrate a romantic relationship.
