I am Going to Write Again
So here’s the thing, I haven’t written anything significant in years. The last time I wrote something meaningful was back in 2018; when I saw a call for personal essays from a women-owned publishing house based in Atlanta. I already had a half-ready piece which I polished a bit and submitted. I had almost forgotten about it when three months later I got an email that my submission has been accepted for publication. I was over the moon. I even received $150 when it was published. It was a big thing for me, and I was sure that would mean something for me as a writer.
But that was that. I haven’t written anything since. A lot has happened since. And I always believed that the more ‘happening’ my life would be, the better I would be able to write. Turned out, it wasn’t entirely true. I started my second masters and aced it, I lost my grandmother to cancer, the pandemic happened and we were in lockdown for almost a year, I got awarded a gold medal, I got married, shifted to a different continent, even entered motherhood! I was overwhelmed and discovered so much about myself as I navigated boundaries that were quite alien to me — but I still couldn’t write. I wrote a lot about wanting to write on Twitter and LinkedIn, even Instagram at one point, but I didn’t actually sit down to write. I had thoughts and ideas that I kept thinking about, even tweeted about sometimes, but gave up on instantly.
I ached to write, but words continued to keep their distance.
This year, I made a resolution to revive my long-abandoned blog on WordPress. I forced myself to string together some words and post it on the blog. The writing was heavily pretentious and ornamental, if I say so myself — but I vowed to write at least once a week.
And if it’s not already obvious — I didn’t. I couldn’t.
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I have been on a job hunt since October last year looking for copyediting/copywriting roles. In March, I enrolled in a certificate program for copyediting at NYU — because, let’s be honest, there is a slim chance for people like me to find jobs easily in the US, people who have not acquired any formal education from here, even if they hold a double masters.
Anyway. The course has been going great, I have learned a lot already and there are still six more modules to go. One good thing that’s come out from taking this course and reading extensively (out of obligation nonetheless) is that, I have found the boost to write. And not just about wanting to write, but actually about my experiences — of dealing with grief and loss; getting married and moving abroad; with the turmoil of pregnancy and postpartum; the joys and perils of motherhood; of life as an immigrant, of cooking as a novice and upholding certain traditions as means to stay connected with my roots.
Back in college as a literature major, I was consuming books like a junkie addicted to words. And not only as part of essential readings (which were all from the canon and ironically never interested me until I graduated), but also books by contemporary writers who were often dismissed as literary writers. I read Tess of th D’Urberville right after I finished the Twilight series. I then moved to reading Forty Rules of Love and started Sons and Lovers right after. There was no distinction of good or bad literature. I only wanted to read. Because reading was enabling me to write. I had a blog on Blogspot which I would update every week with random musings that would effortlessly go on for at least 2000 words. It used to be great. But right after graduation I started work, the time for leisurely reading gradually shrunk and I stopped altogether — reading and writing both.
So, this time around, in order to keep the writing motivation from dying down, I planned on reviving my space on Medium instead. I came over and rummaged through posts, reading everything relevant and not. One of my professors once told me that the more you read, the better you write. And this new spark to write after agessss has reaffirmed my belief in reading. I have even created an account on Substack to keep the thoughts rolling.
The agenda for the next couple of months therefore is to read more, and continue to write on at least two forums so I can hop back and forth, readers or not. I ordered a couple or so books when I arrived in the US, which I hardly read for a few pages and eventually forgot, letting them gather dust on the shelf. I have gone back to them and plan to read at least a few pages every day. Because the truth is, things haven’t been going so well for me creatively, and I have been miserable because of that. So, as part of my agenda, I am also including doodling in the resolution so there is at least some creative channel.
All in all, I have realized that creative block is inevitable, it happens to practically everyone. I guess what’s important is to keep trying. And that’s what I plan to do.
