Going and Returning
Listening to a nasheed called “All for You” by Safe Adam, where he sang, ‘I should have turned to You ten thousand times just to tell You I love You,’ moved me to write these words: If I had turned back to You ten thousand times, my Lord, it would never be enough — for every return would only be another chance to say that I love You, and that all love belongs to You alone.
Out of His infinite mercy, Allah veils our faults from the eyes of people, and instead of leaving us to the weight of our mistakes, He allows others to see not our sins, but the goodness we are capable of, the light we can still grow into. He is Al-Ghaffār, the One who covers, and Al-Raḥīm, the One who nurtures us toward who we are meant to become.
I once learned from an interview with Sheikh Hussain Yee that he reverted to Islam after finishing the biography of Umar ibn al-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him. Umar, who had once been among the strongest enemies of the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, was guided by Allah to Islam and became one of its greatest leaders. As Khalifa, his leadership saw the Romans and Persians — the mightiest of empires — entering into the fold of Islam. But what stayed with me most from that interview was not the grandeur of history, but something far more modest. Sheikh Hussain Yee said he spent four years in mosques — different mosques — learning, reflecting, and praying. This detail left an indelible mark on me for no fancy reason at all, but because of its modesty. It is a reminder that the most beautiful journeys with Allah for the sake of Allah alone are not always made of fireworks, but of humble beginnings or humble nature.
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What struck me even more was when Sheikh Hussain explained what Islam meant to him in English. He said: “Islam, to me, is an acronym: I Love All of Mankind.” SubhanAllah. Repentance fits right into that, because when we repent, we’re not only turning back to Allah, we’re also softening our heart toward His creation. A person who loves Allah learns to love people, even with their flaws, because he knows his own.
What I want to share here are not just random reflections, but my sincerest thoughts on the beauty of repentance. One day, while browsing social media, I came across a believer describing himself as a sinner. Wallahi, that humbles me and will continue to humble for me for years to follow. He was older, more experienced in da’wah, and yet he introduced himself with such modesty. I thought of myself, still struggling to plow the fields of my deen, trying to grow my taqwa and ihsan for Allah alone. His example reminded me that no matter our place in life, all of us are sinners, and the best of us are those who turn back to Allah.
Repentance is not weakness: it is the heart’s return to its true Owner. It is knowing that Allah is greater than your past, greater than your regrets, greater than your nafs, greater than your plans, and even greater than what destiny seems to dictate. It is trusting Him as the best of planners. The Qur’an says: “Do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins.” (39:53). Wallahi, the Ayat (verse) can carry a soul from despair to hope like a companion carrying another companion.
I know this from my own life, after losing my siblings, Kristine Aisha and Muhammad Edris. Their loss was my hardest lesson, but also the doorway through which I began to understand surrender. Repentance became my way of breathing again, not a mark of shame but a freedom that lifted me toward Allah. I learned life’s most powerful lessons through loss.
And through it all, the Qur’an became my closest companion. The last two verses of Surah Al-Baqarah remind me that Allah does not burden a soul beyond what it can bear, and reciting them day and evenings feels like a shield protecting me. Surah Al-Mulk, with its promise of intercession in the grave, is also a mercy in this world, a gentle reminder that life is fleeting and that Allah’s words endure. Sometimes, it feels less like I am holding the Qur’an and more like the Qur’an is holding me.
Wallahi, true power lies in repentance — in sabr, in dhikr, in tahajjud, in tawakkul (trust in Allah). All praise belongs to Allah, who holds all the Most Beautiful Names, endless in number, endless in mercy.
