Hedda’s Sixteenth
Recently the BBC revived some past productions of Ibsen’s plays, and this led me to some writing exercises, in which I could try out some of my ideas about the plays. In this one, I tried to imagine what Hedda Gabler might have been like as a teenager.
All set for a small gathering. A birthday cake, plates, cutlery and cups and glasses on the round table with a luxurious tablecloth. Three chairs are placed round. Enter sprightly Miss Vigdis Gabler, who gives a final touch to the table, re-arranging some of the articles. When she has done, she walks towards a large painting of a haughty general, looks at it in admiration, and shakes her head in a questioning gesture. He is retired general Henryk Gabler. He enters silently, has a little limp and smiles at the sight of his sister admiring his portrait.
Henryk: They say Werensjold never did a finer portrait.
Vigdis: He never had a worthier subject, dear Henryk.
Henryk: Anyway, where’s our birthday girl?
Vigdis:Tesman boy wanted to offer her a birthday treat … coffee and cake I think. Our Hedda is safe with him. I said he’d be welcome to join us here, but she said that would not go well with Eilert.
Henryk: The Løveborg boy?
Vigdis: I know you don’t like him much … (in admiration) too much like you, gambler, drinker, and before you ask, earlier she had a (with a wink) coffee with him too, she said. (stops him interrupting) Only she doesn’t want both of them here.
Henryk: I see. Quite the strategist, is she?
Vigdis: Her father’s daughter! I can hear her …
Enter Hedda, only slightly tipsy.
Hedda: Said I’d be here at three/
Vidgis: (indulgent) Except it’s half past four/ Henryk: Good girl, Hedda.
Vigdis : You haven’t been drinking, Hedwig dear?
Hedda: No, Aunt Vigdis, you don’t call one and a half cup of Champagne drinking, do you?
Henryk: It’s her birthday, for Christ’s sake. Happy Birthday to you sweetheart, come give your old man a kiss.
Hedda walks towards Henryk. He points to his right cheek with his index finger. Hedda puts her arms around him and approached her lips to the spot he had pointed to, turns her head and kissed him on the left cheek.
Hedda: (to Vigdis) Because you wuz awful to me, no kiss for you, (but laughs as she grabs her aunt and plants a kiss on her cheek. )
Vigdis: Let’s sit down and have a legal glass of Champagne first.
Hedda: The devil drink /
The grab each other and merrily hop towards where on a small table, there is a bucket of Champagne and glasses. Henryk does the honours. They sit and raise their glasses.
Henryk: (raising his glass) To my darling Hedda on her sixteenth birthday. May you stay lovely and charming, but above all happy as a lark.
Hedda: Are larks really happy?
Vigdis: If your father says so. And (raising her glass) Of course I offer you my best wishes too, darling, but I’d like to add one word of advice/
Hedda: I know, I know, be less wilful, listen to my elders because they know best/
Vigdis: Of course we do darling. We have endured the bitter winds of experience which God in his wisdom usually spares the young.
Henryk: Anyway, young lady, you must begin to think of your future … you’re still young of course, there’s plenty of time, but /
Hedda: Oh I’ve thought about it already … I’m gonna be an explorer, discover new continents, or a scientist, measuring the level of happiness of larks and vultures, shoot elephants, climb the mountains of Australia …
Aunt Vigdis stares at her scared.
Henryk: She is joking, Vigdis/
Vigdis: You had me worried.
Hedda: Aunt Vigdis, there’s a dream I have two or three times a month. I am in a strange house and I feel trapped and see a door. I rush to it, turn the handle and it opens up to … yes dear Aunt, to a wall. Of course I am joking. I’ll be lucky if I get to Kristinia. Men can become travellers, sea captains, mountain climbers, (hesitates)… eh … artists.
Henryk and Vigdis cough uneasily.
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Hedda: You don’t want me to mention the name of she who must not be mentioned, right? She knew. Ingrid knew there was onlyone thing she could do to that wall. Kick it down and (pause) run.
Vigdis: You’re not thinking of falling in love with a married man and running away to Copenhagen, aren’t you? We won’t stand for it.
Hedda: You left her with no choice. Had you stopped her she’d had taken Mama’a choice/
Vigdis: Her death was an accident … you’ve been listening to Katrin … (to Henryk) I urged you to sack that idiotic woman/
Hedda: Like my birth! My birth was an accident. I shouldn’t have been born, or if you insist should have been a boy who’d follow in daddy’s footsteps.
Henryk: Nonsense, we’ve always loved and … cherished both our little girls.
Hedda: Yes, I know, but we had to be dainty, wear little rosettes in our hair, bow and curtsey to visitors… we weren’t allowed to climb trees or play with balls. Or shout!
Henryk: Nonsense girl, who encouraged you to learn to shoot? Caught you, there didn’t I?
Hedda: I’d have loved to become a soldier.
Vigdis: But Hedwig dear, you must decide your future in a realistic manner.
Hedda: You mean between Eilert Løvborg and jørgen Tesman? (Teasing)I never told you about Ivar/
Vigdis: Not Ivar Rasmussen? He’s forty!
Hedda: And a widower. He’s rich though!
Henryk: Money isn’t everything sweetheart.
Hedda: But isn’t that why you married Mama?
Vigdis: Nonsense girl. We Gablers weren’t exactly penniless, we’re one of the oldest families in/
Hedda: Anyway Rasmussen never asked me to marry him. He just said /
Henryk: (furious)What did the rascal say?
Hedda: (Teasing) He said he’d leave the door open … that I’d not regret it, he was very generous, and his wife had left many jewels.
Vigdis, Henryk : (Angry) How dare he?/ The scoundrel.
Hedda: I said I’ll think about it.
Gabler is very upset and he fills the glasses and passes them round. They drink.
Hedda: I suppose I will end up finding a husband. If only Eilert Løvborg was more like Jørgen Tesman, or if Tesman was more like Eilert, I’d … marry both of them. Like the Mohameddans. Women are allowed four husbands, aren’t we? But Eilert is a rake and a drunk and Tesman isn’t much fun. Neither is rich… not that I am after money … all right there are times when I dream of living in a big mansion with servants and cooks and gardeners, wearing the finest jewelleries, going to France to buy my toilettes, riding in my own fiacres, going to the palace, dancing the mazyrka with the crown prince … but I also dream of weaving my own cloths, growing my food, rearing my pigs and hens … there is somethingpoetic about poverty …
Vigdis: Nonsense, Hedwig, you’re babbling. Henryk, why don’t we give Hedwig her birthday presents.
Henryk: Capital idea dear sister. That cake looks very tempting.
They walk towards a sideboard and come back. Hedda looks at the cake and lifts her nose.
Vigdis: This pearl necklace was given to me by my mother, you grandmother, and she had it from her own mother/
Hedda: It’s be..orgeous. (she puts it on)
Henryk: (he has a cardboard box) You proved to be such a good shot.
Hedda opens the box and takes out a shotgun/ revolver. She is ecstatic and kisses her father on both cheeks. She tries it on.
Vigdis: Told you she’d like it.
Henryk: Let’s not keep the cake waiting …
Brother and sister make their way towards the table. Hedda playfully aims at the table.
Hedda: I hate cream cake!
And she shoots the cake.
