May 22, 2017
Day 143
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I have been working to not dwell on this whole chordoma situation. I could make myself crazy if I was to obsess on the possibilities of what the Neurosurgeon will determine in September. In reality one of two things are going to happen: I will either undergo another surgery or start on proton beam radiation. I honestly think that he surgically removed the entire chordoma, and what he saw on the MRIs were scar tissue in the areas that lit up. I intend to keep journaling and share my experiences, but it is not going to be about what is happening with the post-chordoma surgery. Until I know more about my options after the next visit, I am going to share random bits of my life. I intend to write a book, so these journal entries can be little samples and tidbits of why I am so awesomely unique and special.
I keep thinking about all the things that I have experienced over the last 7, 8, 9, maybe ever 10 years, and I often wonder how the hell I am still on my feet and trucking through life. There were times when I did not think I would make it through another day. My life took a complete dump in 2010, but I managed to persevere through some really rough shit. Seriously, I am an extremely strong woman who has endured a lot of heartache, chaos, and pain; Yet, I just keep getting up, brushing myself off, and working to the best person possible. This is not me dwelling on my past. I recently had lots of spare time while I was giving myself an insane amount of IV infusions to reflect on past experiences, be grateful for what I have and who I am, and let go of my resentments. My life adventures and challenges have helped mold me into the woman I am today.
From the wise words of Sweet Brown, “Ain’t Nobody Got Time for That!” I am not sure if you are familiar with her or not, but she was in a news interview after having to run out of her apartment when it caught on fire. During her very melodramatic recap, she explains how she got up out of bed to get a soda, then thought she smelled a BBQ. That is when she realized that the apartment complex was on fire. She had to run out of her house without shoes on. She thanks Jesus several times and in the midst of it all spurted out “Ain’t Nobody Got Time for That!” Her words of wisdom spoke to me. There are not enough hours in a day to waste my energy on what does not serve me. I do not have time nor patience for bullshit. Anywhooooo, the video is a must see, it instantly went viral, and I know you can watch it in amazement on YouTube.
Despite my own personal life-challenges, I still approach situations and people without much skepticism. I probably should be more on guard and quite possibly listen to that little voice of intuition that I sometime cram back into its little quiet space, but I am a giver and a doer. I like to think that I am an open book, I sometimes forget about my oral filter, and I absolutely love to laugh. My life is being fulfilled when I can be adventurous, give and help others, act on inspiration, express an unconditional amount of love, remain energized and positive, and be a great support system. In return I choose to surround myself with people who are honest, kind-hearted, loving, passionate, in touch with their ability to exchange positive energy, and ones who love to laugh. I am learning the importance of meditation and strengthening my connection to Source energy. The problem I was having until recently is I let people into my life that throw off my alignment, take advantage of me, and mistake all of my goodness for weakness….then I have to kick them to the curb because “Ain’t Nobody Got Time for That!” That fucking Sweet Brown and her powerful words of wisdom.
