Somewhere Between the Chaos and Silence .
Somewhere between the chaos and the silence, I find myself longing to escape these creatures. I feel like an imposter, wandering in search of my own self. I don't even know who I am, where I belong, or with whom I want to be. Human dependency has a way of hurting me, of making me feel utterly humiliated.
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Sometimes I ask myself :
“Oh, does the sky ever listen to my pleas? The plea to live freely, to exist openly, without fear.”
I think I’ll never be able to call people "Home". Perhaps I’ll always end up homeless. It’s not rage; it’s fear. The fear of being abandoned, of being rejected. They’ll leave when I’m at my lowest, most miserable state, leaving me to drown in an even worse state than before.
There are days when you feel inferior, lesser, envious of people—not because of their status or wealth, but because of their ability to be loved so effortlessly. When you try so hard to be loved, only to realize that you’re always the last option, the replacement, the person no one chooses first.
The younger me would have been so disappointed to see me saying things like this. But sometimes, we need to be honest with ourselves and let our emotions spill out before they come out in dangerous forms, choking us up.
My reason for publishing what I wrote was that life is not always rainbows and sunshine. Nobody can be positive all the time. Nobody can always write only about the good , bright side of life. There are days when you want to show the bad side of yourself, the ugly one, I guess the real YOU.
Don’t suppress your emotions or your raw feelings, your agony, because otherwise, they will turn into trauma. Your insecurities will grow even bigger until you won’t be able to hide them anymore.
“It’s okay not to be okay sometimes. It’s okay to be the bad person sometimes.”
