Love Sprinkled on Top of Your Birthday Cake
I was nowhere near heaven, slumped in a muddy land of grief and despair. There was no helping hand for me, at least I never asked for one. All along, there was you, landed somewhere alongside me. You knew the danger was near, but you chose to turn your head towards me, offering your shoulders to carry me around; hoping to reach the corner of this unending distress.
Please don’t come near, please save your sanity from the monsters inside me. Saying that, all I ever received was a faint smile from you. You thought I’m silly, you thought I’m just mumbling some random words like a kid trying to explain the bedroom story they read last night. Why then, did I have to see you suffocate yourself to blow my mouth a breath? I stood still, terrified, everything scared me, even the slightest move of a leaf caused by the wind; you are the kindest force I nearly died to witness.
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I am used to running hard and chasing the fastest pace of every track in my life. So I labeled you as one right away, every part of my soul felt like I must chase you through my last sweats. Why then, did you have to make everything feel so easy, when I wanted it hard and heavy? Why did you always aim for the sunshine when rainstorms were all I ever thought about? Why then, when I try so hard to pursue my sanity, it’s always you who can grasp it easily?
The hurricanes are on fire, stumbling their way to us once again. And no one cares anymore, not even you; especially me. With you, I can easily predict fate, I saw everything coming like a glimpse of a movie I’ve watched before. I no longer despise changes; I am now the biggest fan of jumpscares and surprises. I choose to sail close to the wind, I tend to avoid shores and surfaces. I can laugh at my mistakes; I’m not closing my eyes when I walk past the mirror.
To you I gave up my fears and boundaries that constantly grew inside me. I traded my “What if I’m not enough?” with your “You’ve passed the ‘enough’ already, now you are somewhere beyond all.” I traded my discomforts with your comfort, I traded my eclipse with a handful of the stars you collect.
Most of all, my love — I would die to always carry that nickname of yours within my mouth — I pawn my soul to get your love in return; nothing shall take you for granted, not even the greediest creature to ever exist.
And most of all, my greatest gift of God, you are the cherry on top, the very last breath of a candle, the long-awaited shooting star, the first flower to bloom after fall; every graceful thing, served all at once — oh how I love to celebrate you in the midst of every second I live myself in.
