A SMILE IN THE MEMORY OF THAT PAIN.
Most perfect words fall in the language of silences.
04 September 2022
3:45 pm; When I heard, “Why do you sound like you’re reading?”
The call ended and I held my knees in the arms of my beloved, chair. The sky was dressed grey today as I looked upon the window and a tear dropped by. I remembered the moment and the most common happening of my schooling. As if to check if we were literate or not the teachers used to ask everyone to read turn by turn; well, chuckles in cheeks, they taught us well the way to read. Every time in serial wise manner we had to present ourselves, it was so boring to keep an eye on lines going on. Many times, many of us, [I was mostly decent by the way ;)] were used to get punished mostly for this thing. Fortunately, I had chance to skip all the time; I used to think and burst into laughter when I saw my mates being punished or careful not to get punishment. Years passed by; I learned well to point out most mistakes in accent of the people. They sometimes were irritated and thought if I was showing off my skills. I learnt how to read just by listening, but I never practiced reading just because I was afraid to be ashamed of myself.
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I even enjoyed the teasing too for my habit of pointing errors. But today when I memorized, when was the last time I read out loud? How do I sound like when I read? …
I smiled in remembrance of those giggles which I had owned then. But probably I never read out loud except for once when I was showing off my mom that am studying so well. I almost left reading at 7 to skip hearing myself. I often desire to stop using that laryngeal cartilage.
And this stuff is never going to have a full stop. Every time I try harder to back off from speaking, I badly fail and talk even more after every try. I never know what makes me so weak that I can’t even do this little thing. Maybe I didn’t lose my complete voice for some reason, but sometimes it’s difficult to accept our own self far more than accepting the world.
To be true, I love silences when I have so much to speak and I speak too much when I have nothing to say. I want to get parted from this fate but I never find myself living the most painful one and then it seems like am never less than being happy…
I didn’t choose this topic to write on; the title on my paper earlier was “LET ME HAVE LESSER REGRETS.” But that grey sky didn’t seem to like this much. There’s always so much to spill and so much to let in. I wonder if I hadn’t been a literate how many tons of tears would I have lost… (Most I regret here is not being a mermaid; How rich I would have been with those pearls of my tears… Alas!)
Pardon for this silly head but the only reason I don’t demand an exchange from God is that it always does one good thing; brings me smile in my pain. The best way to end your pain is not to wait for happiness but to smile back at it.
