Comedy Podcast
I decided to write a two-person comedy podcast that you might relate to if you frequently drive through downtown Ashland or near the University. Here is the script that I came up with.
How to get away with Crimes in Ashland
Jess: It seems so easy to get away with anything in Ashland
Eric: What do you mean?
Jess: It just seems so slow here, nothing is ever going on. I think that If I wanted to commit any crime whatsoever in Ashland I could get away with it.
Eric: What type of crime are we talking about?
Jess: I don’t know, I’m not talking about killing someone but maybe like a bank robbery
Eric: Why would you rob a bank? I heard the university gives out millions of dollars to the wrong people quite often
Jess: Yeah I did hear about that, with the Lithia Motors Building. They had some sort of fraud happen and they didn’t check to make sure the money was going to the right person.
Eric: Yeah, the person who gave the money out didn’t even get fired either. I mean I wouldn’t want to be on that chopping block
Jess: Okay, maybe not robbing a bank, but I don’t know, maybe light a bag full of poop on fire outside someone’s door or something. Make it so whoever answers has to stomp it out and get dog poop all over their feet.
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Eric: I’m pretty sure that falls under the category of Arsen. I’m not sure jail time is worth seeing someone step in dog poop. If that’s what you want, just go to the dog park and wait for one of the people that bring their dogs to the dog park and sleep in the hammock to not pick up their dog’s poop. Usually someone steps in it and throws a fit.
Jess: Well what crimes would you commit if you could get away with one thing outside of murder, bank robbing, and poop on the front porch?
Eric: Me? I’m not the kind of person to commit a crime, but if I had to pick I’d probably replace some speed limit signs in the area. 25 Is just too slow all over town.
Jess: Okay what about J-Walking? Would you J-walk in Ashland? It seems like everybody else does it regularly. How would you get away with just darting out, or walking in the middle of the street, care free? Completely oblivious to the cars around you.
Eric: You want to know how to get away with J-walking in Ashland?
Jess: What, do you have an Idea?
Eric: Well blending in would probably help.
Jess: How so?
Eric: Just wear a green Patagonia jacket and carry around a hydro flask.
Jess: *laughs*
Eric: Yeah and if you really want to blend in, purchase a Subaru and drive 5 mph under the speed limit.
Jess: That’s your idea of a crime?
Eric: Yeah, it seems pretty sinister.
