Finding Your True Self: Breaking Free from Expectations and Inferiority

“We spend our whole lives trying to break free from others’ expectations and find our true selves.” — Celeste Ng

It had been raining all day in Portland. At 8:30 PM, I pushed open the door to a café, rain still falling around me. Today must have been their first day back to indoor dining — five or six young guys sat scattered around. The server told me each table seated only one person, tables were spaced a meter apart, and no moving the furniture. I found a window seat and waited quietly for my coffee. Truth be told, the coffee here isn’t great. I just wanted to sit, space out, be.

While waiting for my coffee, I turned and sized up the other customers. They looked back. I met their eyes with a silent message: “Yeah, I’m looking at you. All of you.”

The guy at the table to my right gave a slight nod and a faint smile. Good-looking. A gentleman, or a player. The young guy directly across from me stared into his coffee with brooding eyes. A lonely soul. My mind flashed subtitles beneath each face. If they paid me, I could craft them each a story with a single glance — a story entirely their own.

Sitting by the window, watching the traffic stream past outside, the rain-slicked neon glowed with particular intensity. They adorned the city night, and…