10,000 hours on a Riverbank, and a Medium Article
This morning, I calculated that I am reaching my 10,000 hours of intensive practice to achieve mastery with a complex skill — an idea popularized by Malcolm Gladwell.
My skill?
Helping people prevent, address and respond well to conflicts, hurts, and harms in relationships.
I made sure only to count the “professional” hours. Why?
…because everything else (endless threaded moments and hours of listening, asking the right questions, affirming, challenging, coaching, consulting) — is simply a human thing to do.
I can confidently say — with no data points to back it up — that attempts and success at conflict engagement, management, and resolution are skills every human being has been practicing for as long they have been alive.
To attempt to be in good relationship, fight for what matters to us, and work towards repair is so normal, and as a result SO VERY special.
Yesterday, during a Mediation session I facilitated with two people who are colleagues and friends, (while one reports to the other) I found that the three of us (the two parties, and myself as mediator) arrived at the same relational riverbank we all regularly find ourselves in.
What is a relational riverbank?
An area of space made necessarily moist, and soft under our feet to prompt us towards risk-taking and attempt to better relating with ourselves and each other.
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Moist, with our deep emotions and unspoken needs.
Soft, with our helplessness and willingness to walk the tightrope of love and disagreement as best as possible.
Hard land behind us, flowing river ahead of us.
This to me is our most precious terrain. One on which we find ourselves standing, and as Mariame Kaba so intuitively and brilliantly puts it - “fumbling towards repair”.
It has taken me a long time to arrive at this moment — to start writing and publishing.
This delay is not due to a lack of self-worth or any suspicion that I don’t have anything meaningful to offer. As with anyone, I have gained some of both - over time and living.
This delay is simply about the fear of beginning.
The same fear and resulting delay we all are familiar with — of beginning that difficult conversation with that important person in your life.
We all know this feeling.
The moist, soft soil beneath our feet, this fertile ground of possibilities, and the very legitimate hesitations.
It’s okay. It is difficult. And when you are ready, I may be able to help.
Thank you for reading my first Medium article.
