Strings 🪡 and Roses 🥀
If these were blankets on the walls, they would bleed the roses as if what returned was unopened. You may have returned to me in my dreams and have kept it a secret from my mind, but other times you were like the petals that never fell and stayed the same as soon as you left.
But keeping my eyes closed only drew in what you freed, but you kept the same blood on the strings and you tied them behind my back and then walked away dropping petals but leaving the blood on your hands after you took my heart away and never came back for me.
You opened my eyes to a whole new beginning.
You made me believe that you were in love with me when the words were only said in person but never out loud.
It was like you were tying the strings behind my back and asking me to choose which one I would give my roses to, and as I stare at the blanketed walls, I only see behind the mirror that used to be your mask but only came as a heart with a clasp, and you wore it on your sleeve but you kept it like it was a secret.
But you bottled up the tears that fell from your eyes and you looked back at me and never came back to see what you have lost.
But you left me in pieces and I never came back.
But if you knew what those strings attached did, you wouldn’t be asking for my love and affection.
You may say your first love was with that same someone and you may have mentioned it to everyone you have met, but that same first love you never treated like it was love.
You only treated her like a piece of a petal you could pick off the roses anytime you wanted to.
It was never a stable connection.
It was always static and each time I tried to get a signal it would say no service.
It was like I could not reach you and it was both ways we tried to but everything kept on getting erased and then it came back and I thought it was gone.
But anytime you try to erase something from your mind it is never gone even if you forget it.
There is always a part of you that remembers it. You just cannot figure out a way to find it so you got used to the fact it was gone and you made yourself
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believe it was gone and that you would never see it again because you would rather it be this way than to have to see it another day.
I never thought my tears would lead me to hurt or to you, but every part of me always comes back to you.
Why does it always come back when you are not around?
It is like you are speaking to me through my thoughts, but I cannot see where you are.
I know that I am speaking to you even though I have not been able to see you in real life, but any time you come around, I just want to see you more and more.
I appreciate the nights I get to spend with you.
I also appreciate the mornings I get to have with you, even though I wake up early to see you when you go off to work for the day.
I still get to see you when I am awake, and I get to see you when I am asleep.
I do not know why I am always meeting you like this, but I know that I am going to see through until the end, even though I have tried to rewrite the end and come to the conclusion that it will never begin again, but I have to believe that even though you are moving and you are trying to leave Miami and you do not want the memories anymore, and it is much cheaper up north than to stay down there, I am glad that you are leaving all of that behind and you are looking forward, trying to forget the past, but leaving was not always easy. It was hard for me because I always tried to find an excuse to go back.
You or something else was pulling me back, and still does.
It is like I am not done with that part of me yet because I feel like we have unfinished business before everyone leaves.
I feel like I am still holding on to something that is preventing me from moving on, and I know that searching for you was never an easy task and it was a hard thing to do to let go, even though I wished I had called out to you, but I knew that you saw me.
But maybe we both needed time to see things through and come in our own way instead of going back the other way.
But we can move forward, and maybe one day we will return, but I feel like we have returned to the past a lot of times, and now that we are fully present, it doesn’t seem like anything is missing, but it is all clear.
I hope that when we return, we return for the better and that there will be no strings left behind and that all of the roses will be as petals tracing us back to the before, even though we are stuck in the now and we meet again as if nothing ever happened, and we can go back to our lives and just be in the moment without needing any reassurance, even though every day I am looking for an answer, but I know that the answers only come in what I see.
