Reading “rainbow”
Now that I am on the topic of tattoos, I want to go over most of the ones that I have. Next in line is my rainbow tattoo. You may be thinking, “We get it, you are queer.” YES, but there is more to its meaning and placement than meets the eye. I got this tattoo while I got my stoplight tattoo. Both tattoos have colors in them; both have meanings related to my pansexual identity. As one does, I got the stoplight as a matching tattoo with my ex (go ahead and smack your forehead, I know). At least it does not say her name; it could be much worse! I got the rainbow tattoo on the corresponding inner part of my arm so that it would be “under” the stoplight. The reasoning behind this placement is that sometimes, I find myself “hiding” my true form. Some days I say I am queer, some days I feel pan, sometimes I say “unlabeled,” and other days I stay silent. Staying silent does not make me any less of who I am, but it “protects” me from people in the outside world who do not agree with the way that I live my life. So, while on the outside (of my arm) I am proud to have a matching tattoo with my girlfriend at the time, on the inside (of my arm) I feel scared and dehumanized. However, when I raise my hands up in the air, my tattoo is completely visible. When I feel free and happy, my full identity can be seen. I like that my rainbow is not fully hidden because sometimes I forget about it, and people will ask me if it is real. I like to gauge what they think about me based on their reaction towards the tattoo. I am fully aware that some people may see it and think of God’s promise to the world, but really that is not such a terrible thing for me either. I grew up a Christian but stopped being one after realizing that I did not agree with some of the religion’s practices. Still, I do not think that any god views me differently because of the way that I share my huge love with others. Although I do not have the specific girlfriend anymore who I got the matching stoplight tattoo with, it still symbolizes a queer song that I love and cherish very dearly and brings me comforts in times of insecurity. With or without a partner, I still tend to hide the aspects of myself that may not be socially acceptable out of fear for my safety. This tattoo will always be relevant to me, which is why I decided to get it permanently painted on my skin. You will find that with all my tattoos; the ink represents things that will always be a part of who I am. I hope to portray that point with this mini-series that I have decided to do.
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