Let’s Talk About This ‘Give Yourself Grace’ Thing
Grace, by definition, is undeserved kindness or favor.
In the Bible, it’s described like this:
“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith — and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God…”
— Ephesians 2:8
Grace isn’t something we earn — it’s something we’re given. And while that’s powerful, especially in faith and life, I think in coaching we sometimes throw the phrase “give yourself some grace” around without really thinking about when it’s needed — or who actually needs it.
We hear it all the time these days — on Instagram posts, in team huddles, and in well-meaning pep talks. And look, I’m not here to bash it. Grace has a place and it’s valuable. When used with the right person, at the right time.
Even Jesus — who was full of compassion — didn’t hand out grace like candy. He gave it freely to the weary, the humble, and the hurting. But He also spoke hard truth to those who needed it. John 1:14 says He was “full of grace and truth.” Not one or the other — both.
That’s what coaching should look like, too.
Grace is powerful when it’s given to the athlete who’s genuinely doing the work, holding themselves to a high standard, and still feeling like they’re not enough. That athlete probably needs a reminder to breathe, to rest, to stop beating themselves up.
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But grace can’t replace honesty. And sometimes, honesty is the kinder choice.
I think about a player who kept coming into our office frustrated. She didn’t understand why she wasn’t contributing more and why her performance wasn’t matching her expectations.
She wasn’t lazy. She really cared. But she was stuck in this loop of wondering why she wasn’t seeing results — without realizing she wasn’t doing the things that lead to growth.
She was showing up to lifts. Coming to practice. Doing the required stuff. But when it came to putting in extra work — development sessions, getting in the gym on her own — she wasn’t doing that.
And what she didn’t realize is: most of her teammates were.
What she needed wasn’t “give yourself grace.” What she needed was truth. A mirror. A coach willing to say:
“Hey — I hear your frustration. But the results you want don’t come from just doing the bare minimum. They come from reps outside of practice. From choosing to grow when no one’s watching.”
That was a turning point. It didn’t feel warm and fuzzy in the moment — but it was honest. And sometimes, honesty is more loving than comfort.
Coaching is about discernment. Some players need to be reminded they’re more than their performance. Others need to be reminded that their performance reflects their preparation. Both are coaching. Both are care and love.
The real art of coaching lives in knowing what your player needs — grace, truth, or a bit of both.
