Subconsciously speaking
Part I — Power of the subconscious
I’ve realised that I love to write.
Once a piece is written, it becomes a part of my subconscious. A core mental model that affects every modality of life — personal, work, social. Subtly guiding every action. It becomes a part of me. A lifestyle I put my agency behind, without focussing on individual choices. Holding tightly to intentions and lightly to decisions.
Once ingested subconsciously, the idea trains my instincts. And then I let the instincts guide me, rather than constantly question them. Be it trying out a new hobby, owning up a new initiative at work or just following the new influencer — most of them have been an instinctive call rather than a conscious decision.
In a world over flooded with information, it is difficult, maybe even unnecessary, to employ conscious decision making at every corner. Harnessing the power of the subconscious would probably help a few.
Part II — Higher you go, harder you fall
Subconsciously speaking, I’ve been confused of late.
Through my last blog I placed myself in an environment of open exploration. Allowed myself to be surprised by the new, let it challenge the old. Do what felt right, rather than calculate. Bought an energy stone, learnt how to skate. There were days I surprised myself. But hey the turn looked interesting, so I took it.
I decided to not have a goal upstream, and go down with the flow. The idea was simple. I soon hit a no-go sign.
While you flow down, you steer. But what happens when you hit a fork? Both the streams take you to unknown, very different locations. Neither of them are wrong, or bad. It’s apples and oranges. And that’s the choice that life has you make.
The actual decision in my case, by all means, is simple to me. Almost a no brainer. But if I‘m going down a path, I’d go all or nothing. That meant rewiring the ongoing exploration. There’s a thin balance between exploration and execution that I wish to tread. And in the flow of letting go, I let myself run wild. Strong opinions got loosely held, which isn’t the best environment to execute in.
Get Shubham Shah’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
My instincts figured this is way higher than their pay-scale, said sayonara and just left the chat here. With the instincts silenced, it became tiring to think everything through. What song to play, which task to pick, who to hangout with. All became a large subconscious “?”.
Part III — Regaining balance
Mindspace management should be a thing.
I have a finite amount of mindspace per week, and I need to prioritise how I invest it. Any activity will take time, but the amount of mindspace spent on it can vary. Instinctive decision making is in many ways an exercise in mindspace management. I hope to retrain the instincts and optimise use of this mindspace, spending more energy on things that matter and let the rest flow passively.
Starting with a more directed approach to exploration (which in itself should not stop). I’ll take few roads as already taken and build on top of them. Yes they can be questioned, but with proof and conviction, not just on random whims and fancies. Hopefully lending a constancy of purpose and strategy that compounds over time. For that to happen, they need to be supplemented by habits that prompt execution, with ways to ongoingly focus on and prioritise the important items.
Focus, for me, is harder than it sounds. In the process of just giving my brain what it wants, I’ve overstimulated my brain. Sustained doses of easy dopamine, combined with intrinsic procrastination regularly land me in a spot where I have 20 things to do and the mindspace to do none of them. Tackling that ADHD would be a good first step. Focus, by its nature, is narrow and makes you miss out on the peripherals. An acceptance of can’t have it all is setting in.
To put a word to it, I see a shift from being an explorer to an opportunist, cognisant of the mindspace I spend on something, coming in. There’s a general uneasiness when one story is about to end and another one hasn’t yet started. Takes a moment re-align priorities.
Feel like we’re ready to go.
__________________________________________________
End notes
Writing a blog is a process of it’s own, one that I tend not to force.
After publishing a piece, I have less than no idea for the next one. The thought germinates through experience, and evolves as I go through the days. As it takes shape, it starts affecting behaviour traits. A subconscious shift in my mental model starts happening, and I know it’s time to put it down on paper.
Just that it’s rather tough to put into words. Towards the end there’s this crippling feeling. I find it tough to jot my mind down, and don’t want to do anything else. My brain just keeps itself busy in thought after that. Probably a result of an oversimulated, habituated-to-procrastination mindset. Hoping the next blog is easier :)
__________________________________________________
