Do Better
A young Nigerian woman’s reflection on being misunderstood, slut-shamed, and learning to keep her voice steady in a world that wants to silence it.
Over the years, as a young Nigerian woman, I’ve learned that confidence and independence often come at a cost. When you know what you want, speak your mind, or simply carry yourself with assurance, people start to see you differently. They call it pride, arrogance, or stubbornness, when in reality it’s just self-awareness. Being assertive as a woman in Nigeria is often mistaken for being rude, difficult, or rebellious. And that’s the painful truth, society still struggles to accept women who own their voice and make their own choices.
The other day, I dropped off at the gate of my estate. Usually, there are tricycles at the gate waiting to take people inside. I didn’t feel like taking the ones right in front of me because they often delay passengers, so I decided to walk further ahead with my sister to take another one. You know how it is in Nigeria, the drivers will usually call out to you, saying, “Madam, come now, where are you going? We go carry you.” But I ignored them and kept walking.
As we walked, my sister suddenly turned to me and said, “Oh my God, did you hear what that man said when we refused to enter his keke?” I said, “No, what did he say?” And she replied, “He called you an ashawo.” She was so angry. She was livid. She wanted to turn back and confront him, to ask him why he would randomly call me an ashawo just because I didn’t enter his keke.
Now, someone might want to argue and say, “What were you wearing?” which is another problem entirely in this country. Why should what I wear determine how I am treated? I have freedom of expression, and what I wear should not be anyone’s excuse to insult me. But just to be clear, I was modestly dressed that day. I was wearing a simple midi dress, nothing revealing. So why would he call me an ashawo simply because I refused his keke?
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On a normal day, I might have responded. It could have easily turned into a verbal exchange. But that day, the sun was too hot, and honestly, I didn’t have the energy. So I ignored him and walked on. But that incident has stayed with me. It happened a few weeks ago, and I still think about it because this is not a one-time thing. We see this happen all the time, at work, on the road, even at home. Nigerian women, in fact, women everywhere, are constantly slut-shamed.
Once a woman does something that displeases a man, refuses him, disagrees, or simply asserts herself, the next thing you hear is ashawo, witch, olosho, prostitute, and so many other names. Why? Why are we so quick to reduce women to insults? Why do we feel the need to shame them for having a mind of their own?
And even deeper, why is calling someone an ashawo supposed to be an insult? Sex work is legal in some parts of the world. Depending on one’s socialization, some people don’t even find it offensive. So what exactly do you think you’re achieving when you use that word? It’s so annoying and exhausting that in 2025, we are still here, still fighting for the right to make simple, personal choices without being insulted or judged.
That day, I wasn’t rude. I wasn’t indecent. I simply made a choice. But because I’m a young woman exercising my free will, it somehow became a problem. And that’s the real issue. When a man exercises his freedom, no one calls him names. But when a woman does, suddenly she’s disrespectful, proud, or an ashawo.
It’s exhausting, but I keep pushing and refuse to be bullied into silence or living a life I do not desire. I do this because I can’t imagine my daughters growing up and going through the same things I’ve gone through. The bullying, the condescension, same constant judgment, the same double standards, the same endless explanations for simply existing as themselves.
This experience reminded me why I do what I do. It’s not just about me. It’s about all the women who have been silenced, shamed, or insulted simply for choosing themselves. It’s about making sure the next generation of girls don’t have to fight the same battles we did.
So this is not just a rant. It’s a call.
As a society we need do better.
