Enough
If you want to hear a sad story, you need only ask
Ask me if I’m really okay and saying “yes” is such a task
I’ve been staring in the mirror, trying to see what it is you see
But then a voice creeps up inside and says “they see nothing”
“You have nothing to offer, girl. You’re a damn disgrace”
The brokenness you’ve tried to hide is all over your face
The tears begin to well in my eyes and then roll down my cheek
Damn it, girl, pull it together, you cannot be this weak
Then begins the silents screams, what more do you want from me?
I’m trying with everything I have. I’m not enough, I know, I’m sorry
I think back to the days where I was so in love with life
And trusting someone with my heart? I didn’t need to think twice
My heart begins to hurt again with the pain of yesterday
And I hope and wish and pray to God that it would go away
But there’s years of self abuse that I just can’t seem to shake
And it takes it’s violent hold of me the very moment that I wake
I question every gesture and wonder about intentions
When maybe you want the best for me and want to witness my ascension
But my mind won’t let me rest and my heart won’t let me believe
That your intentions are pure and that you’re really there for me
“You’re tired, girl. Lay down your arms and just accept defeat”
“You cannot win the war this time, you won’t find the solace you seek”
That voice is always in the back and some days I drown it out
But other days, it pins me down and fills me with self-doubt
But I can’t give up, I have to try even if I don’t know how
The fight is all I've ever known, I must go on somehow
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If you want to see how this story ends, keep on reading through
You might be shocked, you might be glad but every word is true
I’ve been thinking back to the day that you brightened up my world
You looked at me, you smiled and said “you are a pretty girl”
You said I did have a lot to offer and for a moment, I was at ease
But once again I wonder, what is it that you see?
But this time was different for I knew you’d never lie
You weren’t just trying to comfort me, I could see it in your eyes
Was it a blessing or a curse? The beginning or the end?
’Cause in that moment, I felt something and I knew I had a friend
I could feel you breaking down my walls, falling brick by brick
I knew it was safe to let you in but still I tried to fight it
For years of pain have built those walls and made me who I am
And at times I cannot stand myself but I’m doing the best I can
For years, the story’s told itself of a girl who can’t be fixed
Of the way she shuts out everyone and plays fool to the minds tricks
Victim to the voices in her head like skipping tracks
Always second guessing what is said behind her back
They prove that they’re loyal and stand right by her side
But her demons go to war again and so she runs and hides
She’d give all that she had just to let somebody in
But she feels as though she’s trapped and the prison is her skin
She just wants someone to hold her and say “everything’s okay”
But she won’t let you close enough ’cause she knows you’ll leave someday
If you want to hear a happy story, you may need to look elsewhere
’Cause if I’m being entirely honest, I don’t know where to go from here
But here you are, still reading on, trying to figure me out
I want to believe you have faith in me but I’m consumed to the core with doubt
But I guess even the darkest truths can have some beauty too
So here I go, another attempt at trying to break on through
I’ll tell myself I’m pretty and that I’m worth more than I know
And I’ll do my best to buy it when the road to believing’s slow
I won’t promise anything this time, only that I’ll try
And when it’s time for you to break my heart, I swear that I won’t cry
I’ll be stronger than that, I’ll be wiser this time and stand tall when things get tough
I’ll risk it all in my pursuit of happiness and one day…
I will be enough
