Growing Together Apart
There are over 7,000 miles between my daughter and me. As she embarks on her adult life so far away, sometimes the distance feels almost unbearable. My heart aches to hug her close, share little everyday moments, and be present together.
And yet, our relationship transcends the physical miles. Our connection grounds me, centers my spirit, and enriches my life. She is woven into the fabric of my being.
She weathered an unhappy home, hid her anxieties in onychophagia, and endured a broken family at nine. I may not have witnessed all the tears and uncertainties, but she showed me trust and compassion amidst those roller-coaster rides; I cried my heart out discreetly when I learned what her nail-biting implied.
From birth, my wise little girl taught me to see the world through a more open, loving lens. Her emotional wisdom and empathy for others inspired me to lead with my heart, not just my mind. During challenging times, her resilience gave me the strength to persevere. Her thirst for life opened my eyes to small joys all around.
Despite witnessing all the heated arguments between her parents, she remained empathetic, but her timidity gave her insecurities away. She was withdrawn and created her world with her newfound friends.
I taught her to follow the golden rule, regardless of whether others do it. She grew up living the principle that adult problems are for adults and had to focus on her tasks as a kid. Nonetheless, she questioned her friends’ behaviors and became picky with whom she would confide, as she also witnessed how I was bullied by colleagues at 34. She also realized how insecurities could turn into green monsters that could wreak havoc on someone or yourself.
As she grew into a thoughtful, compassionate young woman, I learned much about mindfulness, intention, and living true to one’s values. Unknowingly, she taught me to nurture my inner light amidst the storm and to give others the grace I wished for myself.
I read many personal development books and taught her my learnings, yet she practiced those already written without reading them. She is an evolved individual, living as my daughter to be my teacher. I strongly agree that there’s no coincidence, only Divine Assignments.
I started my spiritual journey in 2012. We got separated by circumstance, and we started growing together apart. She let me live my life. She let me savor what the world tasted like. She saw me grow through victories, pains, and heartaches.
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She listened to my stories. She despised some of my decisions, pointed out reasons, and became my old soul friend. In return, I gave her the worldly things I afforded and took her to luxuries I could manage, and her eyes glittered with glee and awe; she adored me.
Oh, boy! She adored me and gawked at me like I was the most beautiful creation on Earth.
While I wish we could share more of our day-to-day lives, our soul-to-soul bond remains firm. We celebrate victories big and small together, no matter the physical distance. We listen, buoy each other up, and provide perspective when the path ahead seems uncertain. Though miles separate us, she is my guiding light, my source of inspiration and pride.
She’s living my dream at 21. Sometimes, my reasoning mind tells me I already lost my chance to publish my books and to be a well-known writer. But can you imagine my daughter living the life I wanted for myself when I was her age? She is an editor-in-chief of their school publication and accepts commissions for writing pieces and layout projects from across the globe. I braved to chase my dreams when I was already 40. I’m marveling at all the synchronicity, albeit the world calls it coincidences.
She began writing when she was nine, and I started at 11. My parents could be proud of me but didn’t show it; I did the opposite to my daughter. I bought her books to read; she saw me writing, blogging, and attending writing workshops. She aspired to be one because she saw my passion; she didn’t detect my self-doubts.
In college, she took communication, but because of a nasty professor, she was demotivated in her first year, shifted courses, and left the previous school. Now she’s taking multi-media, yet she’s steering at the path of writing.
I accepted that writing was a lamentation of my soul in 2011, and I was smitten with words. I was so in love with words that one of my favorite apps and books is Merriam-Webster. LOL. I have taken advantage of editing software and have course after course; however, this girl, she’s acing writing. Indeed, practice makes permanent.
I didn’t think I impacted her life not until she wrote me a birthday letter last year telling, describing, and rehashing her thoughts and feelings (see here an unedited letter, with typo errors because of its rawness and authenticity).
I gave birth to my second child in 2018; my firstborn became my companion and assistant with her sister without complaint. Perhaps there was a tinge of jealousy, but she never fed that green monster and lived with love and compassion instead.
I would love to give her everything while also teaching her to be more responsible and deserving, and she is.
Across the many rivers and rolling hills between us, my heart is there, walking beside her every step of the way. She is the melody that grounds me when life feels dissonant. By her example, she has taught this mama’s heart to expand more each day. I could not be more grateful for her precious place in my world.
Today is her birthday, October 25, and she turned 21. She lives in the Philippines, and I am in the US; choices and circumstances. For now, we have to bear the distance and grow together apart.
