timeless connection with her
and in that time, i came to know u as a woman of freedom, know how to pour ur feelings into an act, expressive. u go where u want, chase what u dream of, and above all, u fight to remain urself in a world that constantly to reshape people. that is the first thing i ever admired about u. i’ve listened to every piece of ur backstory, ur lowest lows, ur quitest heartbreaks, ur battles u never told anyone. And then i met the version of u that u call as a prime version of u at that time, but i know u can be more better soon. The one u finally recognize as mature. And i agree with u, i respect u as a woman, deeply. But i love u as my girlfriend, even deeper.
Sometimes i see u pretending to be strong just so the world won’t question u. But i also know that the moment u cry, the loneliness hits u twice as hard. i want to be ur shelter, ur pause, ur soft place to land when life gets heavy. not a wall that makes u guarded, but a cave where u feel safe enough to close ur eyes. And maybe thats where i made my mistake too. i always tried to look solid in front of u, like a man who doesnt crack. But every time u told me about the pain u kept buried for so long, i broke quietly. i wanted to hold the tears back but i failed. my eyes betrayed me before my voice ever did.
seeing u cry never made me uncomfortable. It made me curious, gentle, more in love. it made me want to know u in the way no one else tried to. I imagined holding u close, letting u cry on my shoulder, pats ur head until ur breathing softened again. i wanted to be that kind of comfort for u, always. Then i realized, being honest is stronger than pretending to be unshaken. i dont need to be the loud hero, i just need to be the one who stays, i love u more than i ever say out loud, more than u think, more than u assume i can feel. And maybe i haven’t expressed it perfectly in the past-because life placed responsibilities in my hands, i wanted to finish building something real before we official. I am showing up, i am learning, and u are the reason i want to grow in love, not just speak about it. there are things u wished for, gestures, dreams that i havent fullfilled yet. And i used to ask my self: why not earlier? why did i know, but not do enough? n then i realized yet the answer is: i overthought love instead of acting on it. Until the tasks piled up, and the promises felt delayed. But being with u has taught me more about partnership than any chapter of my live ever did. u are my first intense love, the first one who made me understand that love is not a single story, love adalah sebuah puzzle dari dua jiwa, dan puzzle-puzzle itu menjadi satu, untuk dipertahankan selamanya, tidak apa jika satu puzzle hilang, percayalah puzzle itu bukan hilang, tapi tidak nyambung dengan puzzle yang lain, Love always has its pair, as long as they truly match. Aku selalu memperhatikan detail detail kecilmu itu hingga aku bisa sadar something strange hanya dengan nafasmu, thats how deeply i love u. ur laughter, ur soft cheeks, ur tiny fingers, ur smile that shows up even when life is unkind, those moments heal me in ways i didnt know i needed. not because u complete me, tapi karena kamu ngizinin aku buat jadi diriku sendiri. because being with u is not just about owning each other, its about choosing each other again and again. so please keep in mind about ur part of u: kamu sudah berhasil sejauh ini, kamu berubah atas kerja keras mu, hasil dari masa lalu mu dan kamu berhasil memperbaiki itu menjadi versi lebih baik. dont ever trade that fire for anyone’s applause.
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i will never bored to say this again and again: nad, jangan pernah dengerin apa yang orang lihat tentangmu, mereka punya kehidupan dan kamu juga sama, always stand and confident with ur self, like i always said to u, dont change urself just by people said to u, they're means nothing and u means everything. whenever problems came to u, tell me. whenever u need hug, come to me. and whenever u feels world too cruel for u, I'll be the one who still kind.
Deep Love,
Biyan.
