Taking up space
I’ve always been the kind of person who doesn’t want to inconvenience othes or be too much trouble. I tend to feel like I need to minimise my needs so I’m easy to accommodate. But I’ve come to realise that the sad result of this is that I do end up feeling unseen or shortchanged because we do teach others how to treat us. Being kind doesn’t mean abandoning yourself. You have to learn to assert yourself and your needs. Learn to inconvenience others, just as you sometimes inconvenience yourself for them. Ask for what you want or need from people. Let them know if something doesn’t work for you. This is the only way to actually get the treatment you want. Expecting consideration from others will leave you disappointed. The average person mostly thinks about themselves, and as they should.
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But going through life taking up as little space as possible can be a hard habit to break. Change won’t happen overnight. This is something I’d really like to learn, though. Asking for help or favors, letting loved ones know about things I care about or important life events like birthdays, expressing my love for gifts; these are some of the ways I plan to teach myself to take up more space. Even just initiating hangouts with friends because I’m feeling lonely. I hardly do this. Speaking up and asking are trigger words for me because I hate doing either. But closed mouths truly do not get fed.
It’s one thing to make a realisation; it’s a whole different ball game to act on it. So I’m wishing myself all the courage and bravery needed on this journey, and hope I can learn to assert my presence in this world without fear or shame.
