Love Is a Beauty: The Most Beautiful Thing

5 min readJan 7, 2024

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It was already 2024, and as I reflected on the past few years, the memories of the last quarter of 2021 still lingered, casting a shadow over my thoughts. To tell you the ugly truth, that period marked a challenging chapter in my life, sending me on an emotional roller coaster. The peak of this ride was My Mom’s first 8-hour-long surgery, a worst experience that left my mind feeling blank and overwhelmed.

Alhamdullilah, Ya Allah, she survived. But life after surgery proved to be far from easy. My focus became singularly devoted to my mom’s health. Every day, at that time my schedule for 3 months is going to elementary school as part of the Kampus Merdeka program. After completing those activities, I had to visit the village for my KKN (Kuliah Kerja Nyata). Once I finished with KKN, I had to go to the hospital.

Did it make me tired? Yes, undoubtedly. The exhaustion was palpable, but as long as it contributed to her regaining the ability to stand up and walk like before, I willing to do everything.

Then came June 2022, a day etched in memory. As I scrolled through my YouTube page, the NCT channel appeared, featuring “City Golden Bell EP. 1.” This was the moment I first met him — Kim Jungwoo and his friends, NCT 127.

Falling in love at first sight? Yes. Jungwoo and NCT 127 became more than just music and genre; they breathed life into my existence, adding color and purpose. My days took on a new meaning. I have a reason to live again. I have a reason to smile again. I love their friendship, I love their mindset, I love their jokes. I love everything about them.

Jungwoo and NCT 127 weren’t the first group to catch my attention, but I found comfort in them. The words they spoke, their jokes, and their actions somehow healed a part of me that I didn’t realize needed healing. They became the driving force behind my pursuit of a healthier life, and as I write these words, 562 days have passed since I first fell in love with them, especially Jungwoo.

I celebrated my every first with them, I learn how to vote them in every music show event and I learn about how to streaming in every music platform,

even I buying a cake to celebrate Jungwoo’s birthday — something I had never done before. How does it feels? I’m happy, always happy when I get to talk about Jungwoo and Ilichil ;)

But why…

Why….

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Why June 2023 turned out to be completely different than the previous year is something I never expected?

I lost her…. I lost… her….

Jungwoo.. I lost her…. I lost My Mom…..

What should I do, now….?

My first reason to live was gone… she’s gone…… even until now, it’s still tough for me to accept. However, I believe Allah chose the best path for My Mom. She’s not sick anymore, right? She can stand and walk freely or even play with Obok (Jungwoo’s Dog) up there.

Deep down, my negative thoughts still haunt me, asking, “Why should I stay alive when the reason for my existence is no longer here? I don’t have anything else.” But then I remembered — I still had Allah, My Father, My Friends, Jungwoo, and Urichil.

And I always remember Jungwoo’s words,

“I’ve always had this mindset of I have to always smile/laugh. I’m no comedian, but I like making people laugh.”

I made a promise.

I promised to make everyone around me laugh, just like you always did.
I promised to live a life without regret, just like you always did.

I promised to make it, Mama.

I promised to make it, Jungwoo.

I promised to make it, Urichil.

I can’t find enough words to thank you for being here. Thank you for keeping me sane. Thank you for being there during my difficult times. Thank you so so so much. Wish I had known you guys earlier.

I know these past year been hard for us too, right? So let’s love and lean each other for a long time, we can get through this together!

Last time, you once asked me;