The All Consuming
Saturday, February 1, 2020
12:07 PM
H.. Better known as Heroin. My drug of choice. My weakness. The love of my life at one point in my 34 years.
It didn’t take much for it to be the all consuming life taker, in a few different ways.
The first and most important way was my kids. It wasn’t the reason I didn’t have my girls. It was the reason it took so long to get them back.
It all started way back after I had Mackenzie. I was diagnosed with endometriosis. I was constantly in excruciating pain. My gynecologist prescribed me pain killers that I quickly got addicted to.
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Years later after a mental breakdown and attempts of suicide and sending my kids to my aunt’s, there I sat. With a guy named Henry. He had been doing heroin for years. And I had been clean for 2 years from pain pills.
I couldn’t resist. Just wanted something, anything to escape my mental pain. He helped me pull it up on the syringe, also something I’d never done. He tied me off and found a vein. As soon as I seen my blood come back up in rig I was hooked. I was in love.
After that I quit both my jobs and left my home I’d worked so hard to get. For nothing other than an escape from all the problems I’d created myself because of some awful happenstances. Things I’ll also be sharing soon.
So, chasing that warm and comfy high, I ended up on the streets. In the middle of winter and worried still about what would happen next. Not to mention selling my Jeep for $200 and a bag of dope.
At the time I’d never been through anything like that in my life. I wanted out but was too scared I’d fail. Plus, I loved the comforting escape it provided.
After all the struggle. After all the pain. After all the running. All the dope sickness. It took me waiting on the side of the road in the middle of the night for my Robby to pick me up to realize I was exhausted. Mentally tired of the lifestyle that had controlled me for so long.
Robby and I had set out to become better parents and give our girls the life they deserved. Not knowing that a few years later our family would be broken once again.
