Never Again!
The year was 2024. I went back to Bangladesh after 1.5 years. Going back to meet my family, my friends, and to marry the man I loved. And then, everything fell apart.
He told me that he was indeed cheating on me, after lying to me about it for months prior. And he told her and his friends that he was in an open relationship, when in truth, we were not.
The day after the wedding, on the bus to Chattogram, he told me how much pain she was in for losing him, and thinking how happy he was with me. Then he asked me if I wanted to talk to her and convince her that he is not happy with me to relieve her of her pain. I looked at him and asked, “who the f*** is she?”
All his weekends turned out to be booked for attending outings with friends I never even heard the names of, despite the fact that I knew names of almost all of his friends including those whom I never even met. It stopped about 3 weeks later, after I constantly reminded him that we only have about 8 weekends together, after that I am going back to Germany.
Most of his after office hours were spent outside in tea stalls, talking on the phone. I know this because everytime I would call him to ask him to come home, I would find his phone busy.
I asked him when would he have time so that we could change our facebook status together as married to each other with some wedding photos. He said that I can change the status in my profile, he doesn’t have time for things like these now. But, when I started sharing “depressing” posts that I found relatable, he told me that it was inconveniencing him that people are asking him why I am sharing “depressing” posts and whether I am okay. I deactivated my account.
I complained. I nagged. I broke down. And his response would be, “do I have to give up my life now that I am married?”
I cried, I cried a lot. And one late night, he told me that my ex was right, that I cry too much.
One afternoon, he just vanished from home without any notification. I looked for him in every room, then found the main door left open. I went outside, saw him talking on the phone on the stairs. I called him home, and told him that if he wants to talk to her, I would rather he do that in front of me. So he talked sitting by my side, where he was repeatedly asking her not to misunderstand him. I heard her telling him on the phone, “Look, the marriage might not be of importance for you, but it is important for Shipra.” To which he kept telling her that it’s not how she thinks, and kept asking her to meet him so that he could explain everything to her properly to avoid any misunderstanding.
After the call was over, he was telling me how much pain she was in and how she was pestering him over calls talking about her pain. I reminded him that it was she who kept reminding him the importance of our marriage and he was the one who constantly wanted to meet her. I did not see any incidence where she wanted to keep meeting him, and I did not get why meeting her was so important to him. He never talked to her in front of me again.
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The day he grabbed me by the neck on a public bus in the darkness of the night to shut me up, I simply held his gaze and told him “I am not (his ex who, as he claimed, considered physical violence an expression of love)”.
The day he told me that he wanted to kick me out of a moving rickshaw while we were on the rickshaw going home, I went quiet. On the metro ride, I texted someone if I can stay with them for a week before catching my flight to Germany. I walked home silently that night, went straight to do some office work to keep myself busy. He packed his backpack, told me he will go out for 2–2.5 days to calm himself down and come back when he feels that he is safe for me to be around. I simply informed him that I am leaving next morning as well, and will leave the keys to the guard. He came back after 2 hours, told me that he loved me so much that he could not leave despite getting out with his packed backpack. I stayed back the week.
That very week, he told me that he needs space to think whether he wants this marriage to continue or not, whether he wants to “come back” or not, and we should not contact each other for an undecided amount of time after I come back to Germany until he makes up his mind and is ready to be in the marriage. Ten days later, I called him to see how he was doing. He reminded me that if I don’t allow him enough time to miss me, it might hinder the chances of him wanting to come back to me.
Two days later, he called me, enraged, because he found a saree of mine that I left behind, that he bought for me (with the money that I was sending him). He asked why I left the saree, and what’s the guarantee that I would not call him with the excuse of this saree if he does not want to come back. I told him, “that saree was important to me because it was a gift from you. If our relationship doesn’t exist, what importance would the saree have for me? You can donate it to someone or throw it out if it makes you feel better.” He repeated his question twice, and each time I gave the same answer.
My left foot started to hurt, I could not walk one step without crutches for weeks, had to drop out from a lab course because of it. Finally an MRI found an inflammation in the achilles tendon. I was in regular contact with his family the whole time, but not one call or text came from him to check how I was.
In the end, when I told him that I have decided for a divorce on my birthday, he asked me how I could think that I could want to leave him if he does not allow it.
On a later evening, he asked me why I wanted the divorce. I told him, “Because you cheated on me, gaslit me, manipulated me, verbally, emotionally, and borderline physically abused me.” His response was, “It’s great that you have learnt a lot of terms. Maybe you could also teach me some so that I could use some on you the next time.”
Just over one month after our wedding, he asked me not to call him “baby” anymore, he doesn’t like it anymore. I complained for two days, and was reminded how his such wishes as an individual should be respected. So, I stopped calling him “baby”. And now, he started calling me “baby” on the phone. I reminded him that I am not his “baby” and I do not feel it right that he is calling me that when our divorce process is ongoing. His response was “Baby, baby, baby. Do you think I will stop calling you baby if you want to?”
After countless such back and forth over the calls, I managed to successfully divorce him. As expected, it was pretty challenging to receive the acknowledgement of the divorce letters (one legal and one from quazi) from him. Finally, in April 2025, he signed the acknowledgement of the receipt of the divorce letter, but not before threatening to file a defamation case in my name. I told him that he can file whatever case he wants to whichever court if it pleases him to do so, but as the letters have reached him, he should receive it and it should not go back.
It was a journey I never thought I would have to go on because of the person I loved. It’s a journey I would not wish anyone to ever have to go on. After this, all I can hope for is “Never Again”.
Just, “Never Again!”
