When You Decide You’re Done With Alcohol, But Then Your Brain Changes Its Mind

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

I remember very clearly a day several years ago when I woke up and just felt done with alcohol. The previous evening, I’d sat at home on my own, lazing on the sofa and watching a programme I’d got into while sipping wine. I’d sunk three glasses, which was nearly a bottle, and now I was waking up for work feeling sluggish, drained and as though the contents of my stomach were warm and floating in ice water.

Now, it’s important to note that the previous evening wasn’t disastrous or dramatic. I hadn’t embarrassed myself in a pub, sent an ex a message or woken up with one shoe and no explanation of what happened. I’d had a perfectly ordinary evening drinking wine, followed by a perfectly ordinary morning feeling completely rubbish because of it. And for some reason, that particular morning, I’d had enough.

I remember lying there and thinking about what alcohol was actually bringing to my life. There were the sluggish mornings, the extra calories, the arguments that seemed to appear far more easily after a few drinks, and the way an evening could be swallowed up without anything particularly memorable happening. Even the thing I supposedly drank for, which was enjoyment, had started to feel a little suspect.