The Un-couple (Uncomfortable Uncertainty)

Is anyone comfortable with uncertainty? I wouldn’t know, because…I’m not. I didn’t realize how much I was seeking out certainty with so many of my life choices the past several decades. Yes, I wrote decades. Let’s not get into age here please. I’m not that old. I don’t feel old. I’m just rediscovering myself from probably when I was a teenager. The thing I remembered about being a teenager was that I was myself then. I was discovering, I was experimenting. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen. But the people who knew me, knew the real me back then. The people that know me now…not so much. I don’t remember exactly how that felt back then, being myself so authentically. It probably felt uncomfortable. But the discomfort didn’t stop me. It has stopped me dead in my tracks now for a while. I question things and fear things now. I worry. But I’m going through this phase right now and something is happening. I’m realizing as a very mature adult that I am very uncomfortable with the uncertainty of not knowing what I’m going to be doing. This was sparked by a lay-off of course. Isn’t that a cliché? It’s either a lay-off or a medical diagnosis that gets us humans to really stop and think and ponder and take different action. It’s a major shake-up that is complete out of our control. There’s another word, control. Control and certainty. We don’t have either, but we sure think we do. Not even close. One rational decision after the next, right? Ha. Not quite. That’s perceived control and certainty.