Goodbye 4112
Even though it’s not my former home, it is yours, a former home where our friendship grew and died. I think I clung to you because I had hope in a better light, and since you dabbled “in the cards” and saw things, I sort of used you for answers to a dilemma I had. You were in a bad spot, going through a divorce and having your home foreclosed upon. You were striking out on your own and you had no one and in some, weird way I liked helping you. I felt needed as I had lost a job, a part time gig and was sucking in the self esteem department. However, small tasks were becoming large feats like picking you up from work, taking you shopping, taking you to a friends house to pick something up, picking up your laundry and then spending until 11:00 at night when I had to be up at four was a bit much, but I liked your friendship, as being neuro, I didn’t and don’t have lots of friends and I felt we had a bond. However, I was beginning to feel used, like the day I was late AND DOCKED because you could not find your shoes, and this was not the only time. You sort of acted like you didn’t care. The time I spent with you was fun at first. I had someone to laugh with, talk with, and enjoy my time with. I loved helping you clean your messy house, and even though I was pissed off when I stepped in your dog’s shit and your house reeked of urine. I thought of you as a very good friend, but then I began to wonder. You were aware of my job and how it was important to be on time. You seemed to blow that off and expected me to as well as our friendship progressed and because I was a friend I continued to help you. Well, until the one day I fell asleep at my desk as it was three nights of week driving you around since you didn’t have a car, meeting your every need and then some. Then on the day I fell asleep at mydesk, you had the nerve to ask me if I would drive you out of town to see a friend. I was beginning to get tired of you. You forgot your lunch, forgot your shoes, forgot your watch, or realized you were out of groceries at eleven at night. That was a text I missed. THEN, you got a car and I was happy, and you kind of said “fuck you” to our friendship. You made some new friends and I saw on social media how much “fun” you were having. We were at another friend’s house, and you promised we’d do dinner. Well, now you had a boyfriend and that sort of went by the wayside. I was hurt, and the friend being an empath thought I was mad at her. NO. I was disappointed in you, yet I considered you a good friend. Plus, your car was a lemon and it died and I was back driving you around again and there were some salad days of us and I enjoyed having a friend to talk to again, as being neuro, friends don’t come as easy for me. Then, the demands packed on. One of them was taking you to the store, but your boyfriend who was also carless was there and you spent forty five minutes in a room while I waited. I finally said “Hey, what’s going on in there?” Then one night at eleven you wanted me to take you for a Taco Bell run. Then there was the laundromat, the final straw. I my things ready to go, but you didn’t and then when I picked you up, you were in a back bedroom groping your boyfriend like a teenager. Then we had to eat. What normally took you two hours took FIVE. I got home at eleven and you tee heed it. I moved myself far from you after that, but sometimes I had a bad day and asked for advice as a friend, but you would say, “Well, you are a weak duck and you have to do something about it or it will get worse”… Then sometimes things were well and I was really excited about something and you’d say you “didn’t appreciate” me bothering you and to ASK if you had time for me. I would have appreciated a thumbs up because you really hurt my feelings, or when I had problems at home, you’d tell me, “Well it’s because you are weak that he does that…” However, you were in the hospital and I asked if you needed anything and I was meaning something like along the lines of prayer and good thoughts. You asked me if I could pick you up and run errands, and I JUST did not have the spoons for it and one day you wrote me a tirade about it and how I was all talk and looked down on people. I should have been done then, but growing up in an abusive home, I kept trying to get your love, because I thought friends were to comfort each other. I guess I missed that memo. I thought friends were to talk to each other, but I guess not and was beginning to write you off, but one day I had something really exciting happen and I messaged you, and you and the other two friends left the chat. That fucking hurt, and THAT time I ceased all contact with you…
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I don’t know what is going on in your life as you have banned me from your social media, except for when you want to henna hands, and with friends like you, I don’t think I really want you hennaing my hands… I ask how you are and you are kind, but really I learned the leaving the conversation and banning me that maybe we just are really acquaintances…
